Sundog snippets: Two things I’ve figured out about myself


This is just a quickie to let you know I remain smoke free, and that so far, I’ve not suffered too much in the withdrawal department.  Spending the week out of town did help significantly.

Phil is not doing so well, but he smoked for 34 years.  And, his motivation is monetary.  Mine is too, but I’ve only been smoking, off and on, for about 20 years, with stretches of intermittent quittage mixed in.

In the process I’ve discovered something.  I’ve started dreaming again.  This may only be a withdrawal issue and therefore transitory, but I’ve been dreaming like crazy this week.  Wild, creative dreams that seem to last all night, so I’m not sleeping well, but I’ll take the dreams over sleep any day.

My dreams are where a lot of my story ideas come from.

The dreams of Saint John Bosco

The dreams of Saint John Bosco (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I thought I’d just stopped dreaming as much because I was getting older.  This gives me hope that my brain is just as messed up as it ever was 😀

It’s also another motivation for me to stay off the devil weed (as one friend calls it).

The other thing I figured out earlier in the summer, but I didn’t want to write about it so soon on the heels of my “Life Sentence with Mortal Punctuation” series.  It just seemed too serious.

I’m fortunate.  Phil cooks for us.  I don’t like to cook and my efforts in that area have dwindled to nothing in the last few years.

I now have a good idea why: my ideation.  Even though I know how to address and subdue the beast, it doesn’t mean I want to think about cutting myself, or anyone else, every time I pick up a knife.  So I’m really very grateful that Phil cooks.

I’m also grateful for take-out, ‘cause every man has his limits.

Have you learned anything interesting about yourself lately?

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11 thoughts on “Sundog snippets: Two things I’ve figured out about myself

  1. I’ve learned that it’s much easier to tell someone what you want painted than doing it yourself. By some miracle osmosis my hall and lounge have suddenly changed this week without me lifting an eyebrow.
    I wish I could take a stance with the weed like you and Phil have but I find them appearing in my hand whenever I’m at the computer and before you know it another packet’s gone. The trouble is I enjoy smoking I think and even health problems haven’t caused me to kick it. There’s always an excuse. You’re doing great and I hope this is the end of it for you both. You’ll be able to save up and visit Wales.
    xxx Huge Hugs and loads of encouragement xxx

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    • Thanks. Today was a bit rough, but I just found out that Phil’s been cheating (!) I kind of expected it, truthfully. He’s never been able to quit cold turkey before and he’s still smoking about 5 or 6 cigarettes. Not in the house, or in my face, or anything, but just the fact that he is makes me very irritated. And jealous 😦 I just want to give in and wimp out. It’s only 11 days though, and I’m a freakin’ perfectionist. I have to keep the smoke-free streak going! Phil and I were both pack-a-day smokers (about 25) and most of it was at home. Started going through the house last weekend for the “great smoke clean-out.” Managed the bedroom, but I’m taking care of everything: floors, walls, windows, washing curtains and getting everything de-stink-ified 🙂 Figure a room a weekend will be good enough, especially considering the next one’s my office! All those books on my shelves to dust…wish me luck 😉

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      • I can promise you it realllly does get easier. I hit a year in august and the first 6 months were sucky. I would sometimes stand by smokers just to get some fumes. On several occasions I nearly asked them to blow the smoke in my face. Over a pack a day for 15 years…
        It’s gonna feel mega awesome… but it really can be one breath at a time. I’m residing in your corner… with fresh air. xx

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