News! And I finally swing into action … gently.

Life in general

In May, I reduced my intake of political content for my personal wellbeing. I couldn’t do a thing about any of it, anyway. My level of dysregulation was getting worse, and my capacity decreased with each ensuing day.

At work on the 4^th, I received an enquiry from my director about how long my repayment period for my leave with income averaging would be, which to me meant that they were taking it into consideration for my departure date. I answered as best I could.

Then I was asked about what kind of recognition I wanted for the King Charles III Coronation Medal I received … in January 2025. I said I would prefer a group celebration including long service awards, etc. I don’t like being the centre of attention at the best of times. Why make a fuss more than a year after the fact?

On the 5^th, my manager indicated she was waiting for some information about the voluntary departure program (VDP) and would like to meet with me the next day. I was in a pension information session on Wednesday and let her know my availability.

My director then scheduled three meetings for May 7, May 28, and June 18. I figured the first meeting would be about the VDP analysis and results, and the onset of the selection of employees for retention or layoff (SERLO) process, the next stage in workforce adjustment (WFA). Spoiler: I was wrong.

Turns out the VDP-related news my manager wanted to talk about on the 6^th was to select my departure date. Which I did, again, to the best of my ability. And she indicated that she would now make the business case for exceptional circumstances. I thought that this would already have been done …

And the waiting resumed.

Also on the 6^th, a boil water advisory was issued for Sudbury, New Sudbury, and Falconbridge. We found out after supper … and I had been drinking water all day. The spring flooding has likely overwhelmed a couple of water treatment plants. Public Health said the boil water advisory was only a precaution and that people probably wouldn’t get sick from drinking it.

The boil water advisory continued on the 7^th and, while at work, I was asked whether I wanted to apply for the pension reduction waiver. Of course I did (!!!!!!) I wanted every financial advantage available to me.

At the all-staff meeting on the 7^th, we were advised that letters including departure dates would start going out the next week, which I thought was odd given that my manager had just started making her business case for my desired departure date the day before …

On the 8^th, after two negative tests, the boil water advisory was rescinded, and everyone was advised to run their taps for five minutes on cold and then five minutes on hot to clear any residual bacteria in the system.

Back at work, an email from senior management was issued on the 12^th. Now that the early retirement incentive (ERI) had been approved, it complicated the WFA process. ERI was open to all employees, not just those who were affected by WFA, so they may have staff reductions in positions not affected. Also, it was open through to July 24^th. There had been 600 ERI applications at the time. The second kicker was that ERI could be denied by management.

There had also been 470 employees (including me) who had opted into the voluntary departure program (VDP) on March 26^th of a total desired reduction of 961. We had no idea how many of the 600 ERI applications would be approved and whether they would have any impact on the total number of positions that needed to be reduced overall.

In that same email, we were advised that letters confirming departure dates would not be issued until the week of May 25^th. This made more sense to me but protracted my wait by two more weeks.

We had two meetings on the 13^th regarding the email. Very little confirmation or additional information was provided.

I’ll divert now to how March’s snowmageddon has delayed spring in northeastern Ontario. Normally, by Victoria Day long weekend, the leaves are out, and the pin cherry blossoms in the back yard are a riot of white. On my walks, I generally see varying shades of pink and red and white crab apple flowers. Apple trees blossom. Lilacs and honeysuckle are setting bloom, and everything smells heavenly.

By this time of spring, the windows have been open for weeks and I’ve been able to hear the frogs singing their mating songs in the nearby marsh in the evenings.

But this year, it was May 15^th, the Friday before Victoria Day long weekend, and it was the first nice day we’d had. While the grass was busy greening, there was nary a leaf to be found. No flowers except for bulbs. It hadn’t been warm enough for long enough for the frogs to wake up.

Torvi and I had been seeing rabbits over the past couple of weeks, though. At first, they were in their piebald transitional fur, but now they were fully brown. Our irrepressible rhubarb was still irrepressible.

I hoped that the world would wake up and catch up. The weather was predicted to be seasonal (finally!) in the last weeks of May. But I worried about the bears. With such an overlong wintering, they’d be ravenous.

On Saturday, though, I was pleased to see the leaves emerging, and I heard the frogs singing! The astringent scent of poplar sap filled the air. By the final weekend of May, the spring tree blossoms were at the stage they normally would have been on the Victoria Day long weekend. We were only two weeks behind and the trees promised to make up the remaining difference in short order.

Work continued, I got new, short-term assignments to fill the time while I waited for my A project to be reviewed and approved by a client. I slipped into hyperfocus mode more often than not and had few, if any spoons left over at the end of the day.

On the 24^th, I realized that I’d been doing the nervous system equivalent of holding my breath since I received the letter informing me that I was affected by WFA back in January. I’ve been waiting to exhale for four months. No wonder I was exhausted!

The 27^th came and went without sign of a letter. The next division all-staff would be the next day. Were all the letters being issued on the morning of the 28^th?

Not exactly. I logged in on the 28^th to find that the scheduled division all-staff was rescheduled to June 1^st. And I had a new meeting with my director about my VDP application.

Short version: My VDP was approved and I had my desired departure date of November 4^th. My director said the letter should be issued by email following the meeting, she hoped by noon. All the details and instructions would be in it.

I felt very little during the meeting itself. Afterward, anxiety set in, the full-body buzzing-bee kind.

Noon came and went and an administrivial emergency cropped up. This was addressed by 3 pm.

The end of the day arrived and still no letter.

My intention had been to read through the letter, begin to frame my strategy, and then take the rest of the day and Friday off to process and recover.

Now I had to log in the next day.

The letter had arrived! I read the email, reviewed the three attachments, a bunch of related links, and started to work through the checklist. I started with an enquiry to the pension unit.

Then I checked through my particulars, updated some information, and submitted my departure request. I was supposed to attach two documents, but the system would only accept one.

So, I finally put in sick leave for the remainder of the day and logged out.

There was no relief. Not yet.

The month in writing

In the early days of the month, I focused on getting caught up on my reviews.

That was until the publisher of The Seaboard Review of Books announced that the publication was going on hiatus effective the 20^th. They’d still publish the reviews they’d already received, and that were due to be received, but they were not looking for more reviewers and were suspending their new fiction edition.

But by then, my energy had petered out, and I was running on fumes. It was a good day if I managed a sentence or maybe a paragraph (and most of those were on this document, which is basic reporting). Now I was on hiatus. Functional burnout is a bitch.

My review of Joe Mahoney’s A Time and a Place was published by The Seaboard Review of Books in their Throwback Thursday feature on the 14^th.

On the 18^th, Mat Del Papa and I recorded an episode of Holly Gutwillinger’s podcast, Ramblings from the Little Shed. We had fun chatting about our pets and SuperCanucks. I’ll let you know when the episode comes out.

My Throwback Thursday review of Scott Overton’s Dead Air was published on the 21^st.

My review of J.A. McLachlan’s The Sorrow Stone was TSRB Throwback Thursday review on the 28^th.

In writerly business, the TWUC Pre-AGM was on the 21^st followed a week later by the AGM. The perennial topic of older, more financially secure members uncomfortable with change wanting an in-person AGM and conference, or at least a hybrid option, raised its gory head again. The issue was resolved during the pre-AGM meeting and the motion withdrawn. The AGM went smoothly.

I had scheduled an SF Canada Board meeting for the 31^st but with the receipt of my voluntary departure approval and departure date (and the associated difficulties starting the process with pensions and pay and all that) I was so dysregulated that I forgot about the meeting altogether. Rejection sensitive dysphoria set in and I flagellated myself for the rest of the evening.

Filling the well

The full flower moon in Scorpio was on the 1^st, also Bealtaine! It was a cold, rain-snowy day, but I lit up my altar. Bonus, the last of March’s snowmageddon snow was finally melting!

The new willow moon in Taurus was on the 16^th. We were still in a spate of cloudy, cooler-than-seasonal days.

And the full blue moon in Sagittarius was on the 31^st. It was a howl-worthy moon!

In terms of writerly events, I registered for Turning Premise into Plot with Courtney Maum through Jane Friedman on the 2^nd but watched the replay. Excellent!

The Canadian Artists Network (CAN) Summit was on the 13^th and 14^th. Because of work and other obligations, I waited and watched the replays.

Also on the 13^th was an evening with Charlie Angus, a Wordstock fundraiser. It was a great night, a great talk, and I got to see a bunch of local writerly friends. I bought a copy of the book, natch, and got it signed by the author. Charlie was looking a bit tired though, so I didn’t go all fangirl on him and tell him that I subscribed to his Substack or that I was currently reading his wife’s book, The Haunting of Modesto O’Brien. Lost opportunities.

Had to recover after.

SF Book Recommendations with Elizabeth Bear was also on the 13^th, but the recording would be posted. I watched it later that night. Again, a great selection of books, old and new, some of which I’d read, and some not.

On the 14^th, the Banff Centre hosted an information session on their programming. As I’m hoping to apply for one of their programs in February 2027, I wanted to see if I could get an insider perspective. Unfortunately, it wasn’t terribly informative and didn’t include the program I wanted to apply for.

Because I had to miss the Sudbury launch of Seldom Seen Road by John Degan on the 8^th (because work), I caught him at his Indigo signing on the 16^th. I introduced myself and proceeded to talk his ear off for the next 20 minutes. He looked bemused, but the mask was off and he got full force Mellie.

Another recovery.

I signed up for “Abandon Your Outline and Elevate Your Story” presented by Steven James through Jane Friedman on the 20^th. I watched the replay. Revelations (!) I’m learning that I am a pantser, or discovery writer, first and foremost. My every attempt to outline (even retroactively) has met with failure.

Related:

When I watched Shaelin’s video on how to write book without outlining it: structure, crafting a strong draft, and mindset, it only reinforced what I’d learned in the webinar. It’s all part of my quest to design a creative process that works with my neurodivergence rather than against it.

It’s one of my missions this year.

I attended the launch of Blaine Thornton’s Here’s to Letting Go on the 22^nd. It was a fabulous evening, and Blaine teamed up with a musician and a typewriter to stage their performance.

Recovery, again.

Then, on the 25^th, I registered for an Off-Topic Publishing webinar (follow them on Eventbright and you’ll be notified when a new offering is made) on “End-stops and enjambment: playing with line breaks in poetry” with Marian Lougheed. It was short and sweet and hit the spot.

On the 27^th, I registered for a Canadian Authors Association/SF Canada webinar, “How to transition from writing to podcasting” presented by Costi Gurgu. Again, managing spoons, I wanted to watch the replay, but the replay of the last CAA/SFC webinar I’d registered for still hadn’t been posted to either the CAA site or on their Circle platform, even though there is a section devoted to video and promising to host the webinars …

Also on the 27^th, I signed up for “Showing and Telling” with Tiffany Yates Martin through Jane Friedman. I can depend on Jane to provide the replay in a timely manner. This was one of the better webinars on the topic with lots of practical examples from popular novels on how and when to show and how and when to show.

Finally, I registered for “Accommodate Yourself: How to Build a Writing Process that Works for You” presented by Weeknight Writers. It was part of a conference, but after all the events (online and in person) I’d attended this month, I had to conserve my spoons and just chose the session I was truly interested in. It was great, and my registration got me access to the whole event! I’ll be catching up on all the sessions when I have the spoons.

Finnish classes continued on Monday evenings throughout the month, though I missed the one on Victoria Day Monday because I was recording a podcast (see: The month in writing).

I took my mom for a hair appointment on the 9^th. It was her first since snowmageddon, and her hair was super long, but she managed the stairs like a champ.

Recovery.

My next therapy appointment was on the 14^th. We started framing our work together (recovering from burnout, mitigating future burnout, managing my current major transitions – workforce adjustment and caregiving – creating a life that works with my neurodivergence rather than against it).

Recovery.

On the 21^st, my support group met. This month’s topic was relationships.

And on the 23^rd, I took my mom to visit a friend of hers.

Recovery.

Friends visited from out of town on the 30^th. Great visit. Much needed.

Still had to recover.

I’m finding that in my current state, if I do anything other than work in a day, or anything other than my rituals and planned activities on a weekend, it dysregulates, and I have to take extra time to myself.

What I’m watching and reading

The first full week of May was finale week for several shows.

My first watch of May was the second (and last) season of Watson (CBS/Global). This reimagining of Sherlock Holmes features Watson as a Black geneticist and takes place after Holmes and Moriarty apparently die after they plunge over Reichenbach Falls. Watson survives his attempt to save Holmes but has suffered a traumatic brain injury (TBI). Holmes bequeaths Watson enough money to start a clinic, which he does in Pittsburgh. At the Holmes Clinic for Diagnostic Medicine, Watson and four brilliant interns solve medical mysteries, while figures from Watson’s past return to complicate matters.

In season one, Moriarty plots to undermine Watson. In season two, Holmes himself returns, but asks that Watson keep his existence a secret. When it’s revealed later in the season that Watson has a glioblastoma and is hallucinating Holmes, it brings into question Holmes survival. The remainder of the season, though packed with twisty drama, was hastily brought to a close in the final episode. Yes, the series was cancelled.

Then, I watched the season 8 finale of The Rookie (ABC/CTV). Nolan and the LAPD started the season in Prague with a joint FBI and Interpol op. Nolan and Bailey had the unenviable task of minding Monica. The President visits LA, and Tim takes over as watch commander as Grey is working with the LAPD/FBI Taskforce with Garza. Wesley decides to run for DA. Bailey takes a position in DC, and she and Nolan navigate a long-distance relationship. Lucy takes dire action while trapped with a bunch of deranged and violent people. Liam Glasser, a serial killer, plagues the LAPD throughout the season. Monica’s story comes to a tragic end. Tim proposes to Lucy and then the season-ending cliffhanger leaves them both in peril. This series continues to be entertaining, even if the events are increasingly improbable.

The next finale was season 4 of Will Trent (ABC/CTV). Serial killer James Ulster may be dead, but he still haunts Will (as an aspect of Will’s psyche). Will’s uncle Antonio is abducted and then Will shares the same fate, drawn in by Adelaide, Ulster’s daughter. As other crimes are solved, Will recovers and continues to search for Adelaide, finally finding her and rescuing Antonio, but he is unable to prevent Amanda Wagner’s death. The finale itself was devastating, though ultimately hopeful, as Will, Faith, Angie, Ormewood, and Franklin unite despite their losses and prepare to take down a human trafficking ring. Looking forward to season 5!

Then, Grey’s Anatomy (ABC/CTV) finished its 22^nd (!) season. The season began with a literal bang as an explosion rocked the hospital and injured Linc. Various couples came together and fell apart, as they always do, and the season ended with a bridge collapsing. It was the usual soap-y goodness that keeps me coming back.

I finished watching the second season of The Last Thing He Told Me (Apple TV). I haven’t read the book the series was based on and … I confess I didn’t think the show needed a second season. It did complete the story and Hannah and Bailey do get more agency. Things do sort themselves out and the family is able to reunite and live their lives in relative peace. It was okay.

Next, I watch The Punisher: One Last Kill (Disney +). I haven’t watched the series, but I know the story. In this … final … chapter, while crime still infects the city around him, including a group of young bullies who take an unhoused man’s dog and throw it in front of a truck (I already want Frank to kill these fucks), Frank is still haunted by the ghosts of his friends and family. He contemplates unaliving himself but can’t go through with it. Then, Ma Gnucci, whose entire family Frank killed, shows up and tells Frank that she’s issued a bounty for him and told all comers to head to his address. The rest of the hour is bloody chaos as Frank fights his way out of the hotel and into the street where, rather than pursuing the assassins, he moves to save the innocent bystanders. In the end, Frank dons his skull shirt and continues his quest, starting with the bullies still harassing the bereaved unhoused man.

Phil and I watched the finale of Good Omens (Prime). It was sad that the “he-who-must-not-be-named” issues caused what should have been a full third season to be squished into a movie. The acting is still brilliant, and they did a really good job for such a compressed timeframe. Our star-crossed lovers get their happy ending, though. I won’t spoil anything because I think it’s worth watching if you love Good Omens and Pratchett’s legacy.

Phil and I also watched the final season of The Boys (Prime). It was a fitting, but somewhat open-ended climax and denouement. Hughie, Mother’s Milk, and Frenchie are all in a concentration camp at the beginning of the season. Annie is on the run and working with A-Train and Marie, Jordan, and Emma (from Gen V) to undermine Vaught and Homelander with guerilla tactics. Kimiko was actually so irritating at the camp that she was sent away but she escapes to join the gang when Butcher, Annie, and A-Train stage an escape. Frenchie works with Dr. Shah to perfect a virus that will kill any supe. Meanwhile, Homelander has delusions of godhood and is determined to get his hands on the last of the V1, the version of the drug given to Soldier Boy, so he can become immortal. Things get out of hand, as they always do, main characters die, and everyone gets their just desserts in the end, but Vaught is still around and trying to put together another corporate super team … Bloody diabolical!

Then, I watched Remarkably Bright Creatures (Netflix). My heart! Haven’t read the book yet, but this movie was everything. Two people deeply wounded by loss enter each other’s orbits seemingly by chance, and a wise, old octopus holds the key to healing their hearts. You will cry. In a good way. A balm of a movie. Watch it!

Finally, I finished watching season 2 of the prequel series The Bad Guys (Netflix). They suffer a weird case of amnesia, compete over who can refrain from doing crime the longest, are taken in by a scam by Snake’s mother Sepentina, visited by Wolf’s mentor D.B. Cougar, are challenged by a copycat crew, have AI troubles, almost lose their streak when Shark goes rogue to vanquish an old nemesis, are taken into custody by Tanya Ripper, who, after catching every criminal, sets her sights on every minor misdemeanor, and finally escape and turn the tables on Ripper, freeing the city. This continues to be an entertaining series.

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My first listen of May was The Salvage Crew by Yudhanjaya Wijeratne. AI overseer Amber Rose was once human, loves reciting and composing poetry in its spare time, is kind of Buddhist, and will try to use the strategy game go as a learning opportunity for its human crew. It’s been assigned a crew of three people riddled with PTSD, mental health issues, and attitude problems and sent to Urmahon Beta, a planet in the ass end of nowhere, to salvage the remains of a downed colony ship. The planet is supposed to be uninhabited, but there’s a weird city and herds of megafauna and Mercers — cyborgs — who are infected with some machine virus that transmits to Amber Rose’s human crew. And all that’s before the weird city starts to speak. Nabbed it on a recommendation. Awesome! And the fact that it’s narrated by Nathon Fillion didn’t hurt!

I paused audiobooking to catch up on It’s Storytime with Wil Wheaton.

Then, I finished reading To Leave a Warrior Behind: The Life and Stories of Charles R. Saunders, the Man Who Rewrote Fantasy by Jon Tattrie. Saunders was considered the father of the “Sword and Soul” fantasy genre, drawing on African history and legend to centre Black heroes among the stories of Conan and Tarzan. Moving to Canada to avoid being drafted, Saunders found a home and community in Nova Scotia. Though dealt blow after blow by the publishing industry, he persisted and found champions for his work, producing five Imaro novels, two Dossouye novels, Damaballa, and Abegoni, dozens of short stories and essays, four non-fiction books, and three screenplays, not to mention his years as a journalist at the Halifax Daily News, where Tattrie met him. Saunders’ was literally a storied life, but he was also a recluse and died alone during the first wave of the COVID 19 pandemic in May of 2020. Saunders deserves more praise and his work more recognition. A fantastic biography.

Next, I read Richard Harrison’s My Mother Joins the Resistance. This poetry collection is a meditation on love and life and death and grief as Harrison processes his mother’s life and the death by MAID that she chose as an alternative to terminal lung cancer in 2017. In the title poem, his mother, Doreen, waiting for the doctor who will deliver her death, declares of hurricane Cindy, “When it pours down on the White House, that’s me pissing on Trump!” What a glorious woman! The whole collection delivers surprising hope and humour out of the darkest events. Adored every page.

Then, on an increasing number of recommendations, I listened to Dungeon Crawler Carl. Carl is a coast guard mechanic currently minding his ex’s Persian show cat, Princess Donut. In his loneliness, he’s considering running away with the cat, but Donut beats him to the punch by leaping out of an open window into a nearby tree. Heedless of the temperature, Carl races out in his leather jacket, boxers, and his ex’s too-small-for-him Crocs to rescue Donut, only to watch all the nearby buildings get crushed by some unseen force. He and Donut are then transported to an alien-sponsored game, where Donut is transformed into a talking cat, and they are forced to fight for their lives. As surreal and hilarious as you might expect, replete with snarky, in-game announcements, intergalactic social media, NPCs, MOBs, and sponsors. So. Much. FUN!

Next, I listened to The Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet by Becky Chambers, the first in the Wayfarers Series. Ah! Loved it! Rosemary Harper assumes a new identity to escape Mars and the family she is fundamentally at odds with. She takes a job as a file clerk on the Wayfarer, an aging amalgamation of a ship that creates stable wormholes that connect remote parts of the galaxy. Shortly after she joins the crew — humans Ashby, the captain, Kizzie and Jenks, the engineers, Corbin, the algaeist, Aandrisk pilot Sissix, Grum doctor and cook, Dr Chef, Sianat Pair navigator Ohan, and AI Lovey — Ashby receives a lucrative job offer to punch a wormhole for a potential new member race of the Galactic Commons. But to do that, the Wayfarer will have to travel the long way as there are no wormholes in that part of the galaxy.

Just as Chambers does in her Monk and Robot series, she shows us a world where the default is to be respectful and kind. That doesn’t mean that everyone gets along or that nothing happens. Chambers puts the crew through it, but they do emerge mostly unscathed in the end. I know I’m late to the party on this one, but trust me, the book is amazing.

Finally, I listened to The Eyre Affair, the first in Jasper Fforde’s Thursday Next series. I met the author in 2017 on the Writing Excuses Retreat – Baltic cruise edition and was just reminded of him and Thursday Next when the announcement came out that he would be publishing the final book in the series (!) I figured I should get on that.

Thursday Next is a Special Operations Literary tech in an alternate world England, where the Crimean war still rages and books are taken very seriously. Factions argue over who wrote the plays attributed to Shakespeare and hundreds of men take the name John Milton in homage. They even have a whole division of the secret service, SO27 dedicated to solving literary crimes. Thursday is a veteran of the unending Crimean war where her brother died. Her father is a rogue time traveller, and her uncle is a brilliant inventor who has created a way to enter books. Not that Thursday needs her uncle’s invention. She entered the pages of her beloved Jane Eyre as a child and facilitated Jane and Edward’s first meeting, though she’s always been disappointed in the ending. Jane becomes a missionary with St. John Rivers in India? Still, it’s her favourite book.

Acheron Hades, the third most wanted criminal in the world, steals the original manuscript of Martin Chuzzlewit and then kidnaps Thursday’s uncle, Mycroft, using his invention to murder a minor character, who then disappears from every edition (!) He’ll kill the protagonist next if he doesn’t get what he wants. And then, there’s the Goliath Corporation, who want Mycroft’s invention for their own purposes. Can Thursday foil both the master criminal and the corporation, rescue her uncle and save literature? And how does Jane Eyre figure into the plot? Read and find out!

Full of dry wit and endless puns, The Eyre Affair is a fun read with a fast and twisty plot you won’t anticipate.

And that was the month in this writer’s life.

Until next month, be well and stay safe; be kind and stay strong. The world needs your stories!

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I acknowledge with respect that I am in Robinson-Huron Treaty territory, that the land from which I write is the traditional territory of the Anishinaabe and home of Atikameksheng Anishnawbek and Wahnapitae First Nation.