Thawing out and waking up

Life in general

I started February off with a week of leave, ‘cause I always take the week of Imbolc off. Winter is tough with perma-grey skies and sub-zero temperatures and I’m like that meme asking, “Why do I live in a place where the air hurts my face?” Look it up. Have a chuckle.

This week off in early February is the first of two resets to my system. In February, the light feels like it’s just starting to come back, though it’s been rebounding since the winter solstice. It’s a seasonal need to bring myself out of seasonal affective disorder (SAD) territory.

But I needed it more this year because January was hell in multiple ways and I’m trying to sit in the uncertainty of workforce adjustment (WFA) and not panic and calmly gather the information I need to make a decision. That the decision doesn’t need to be made until March 26^th doesn’t really help. It just prolongs the agony.

Part of me wants the time between now and March 26^th to collapse, so I can submit my form and find out what happens next. My efforts to get the answers I feel I need to make an informed decision have been met with a wall of “we don’t know.” The closest I’ve been able to learn about how long I will continue to work after making my decision is that management commits to working closely with human resources, the pay centre, and the pension centre to ensure that every employee has “enough” time to make all the necessary arrangements prior to departure. Whatever “enough” means …

Listing some smol victories to help me feel more person-like in this weird and dysregulating moment:

• I managed to avoid a full case of sinusitis over the fall/winter of 2025!
• My eczema finally responded to the ointment. Only three months before the last bits of leathery, discoloured skin came away from the knuckle.
• Coming up on a year after its expiry, I finally got new passport pictures taken so I can submit my passport renewal form (!) Thanks to my friends who agreed to serve as references. Also, mailing the application (thanks to Phil for taking it to the post office for me). I have no imminent travel planned and don’t want to brave the less-than-safe downtown to submit in person.
• I got a new set of Bluetooth earbuds (Flare Studio Pro), and I figured out how to unpair my old ones (which I’m keeping as a backup set) and paired the new ones. Feeling competent!
• I got appointments made (see Filling the well for deets)! Appointments were met! Things got done!
• I’ve been slowly walking back my bedtime to a reasonable hour!
• I’ve been listening to my body/mind and adjusting accordingly!

Signs of recovery, in my humble opinion.

The hits kept coming, though. On the 10^th, a mass shooting incident second only to École Polytechnique occurred in the small community of Tumbler Ridge, BC. The news made waves across Canada and beyond.

Misinformation ran rampant in the following days, right wingnuts glomming onto the fact that the shooter was a trans woman. It was a time for community healing and support, not to spread malicious hate speech on social media.

I’ve been sticking to the coverage of The Walrus, The Tyee, and Rachel Gilmour and avoid inflammatory rhetoric online.

At work, I was assigned a new project, but a week later, the client informed us that internal reorganization meant the project would be shelved. Though I hadn’t done a lot of work, it felt like the work I’d done was wasted. Surprisingly, I was not further dysregulated by this change of priorities. I didn’t really care, which may have something to do with other things happening at work that really put the day-to-day into perspective.

Then I was assigned the task of reviewing a draft e-learning course. It took me two days to get an updated link to the course and just as I was running through the course for the first time, I was asked to observe the pilot delivery of another course in development from 10 to 2 Monday and Tuesday the following week.

So, I cleared the decks of other obligations.

But the 4-hour-a-day for 2 days course turned into 5-hours-a-day for 3 days. I hadn’t planned for that and couldn’t pivot further. I’d forgotten how demanding training was and I was already considering a day off …

When, on the 27^th, we had another meeting about the WFA process. There were now tentative timeframes, nothing confirmed, and everything subject to change. The TL;DR of it is, those opting into voluntary departure are to leave as soon as possible, and I now had an idea of the worst case scenario, which will be financially destabilizing, especially considering we’ve already been told transition payments and separation monies may not be issued in a timely manner, depending on how many people are leaving at any given time.

There is a possibility that some of us might be kept on longer, which would be better for me, but it’s dependent on business cases and the approval of our ADM, which again, we have no guarantee of.

So, more information, sure, but a lot more uncertainty, too.

I took that afternoon and the next day off to process, regulate, and try to find away forward. Phil’s still being reassuring, but I am not reassured.

The month in writing

I started the month still in the no-write zone.

But by the end of the second week, I started writing a new flash piece for an upcoming submission call. The deadlines I was working toward with the other two pieces of short fiction flew by, and so I no longer felt the urgency to revise them. I’ll get back to them, though.

I also registered for The Karen Gansel Short Fiction Contest through the Canadian Authors Association. This was a bit of a risk, as the contest involved writing to a prompt issued March 1^st and the contest deadline would be March 14^th. Check back next month to see how this experiment went.

I also got back to writing some poetry.

Baby steps.

On the 20^th, the Sudbury launch of SuperCanucks was announced. It will be on Saturday, March 21, 2026, at the main branch of the Greater Sudbury Public Library (74 Mackenzie St.) from 1 to 3 pm!

On the 23^rd, my review of Shani Mootoo’s Starry Starry Night was published in the Seaboard Review of Books!

And the month ended back in the no-write zone, as it started, because WFA shenanigans.

Filling the well

The full bear moon in Leo was on Imbolc/February 1^st. The generally overcast sky meant no moon pics or sightings, but I lit my altar as I tried to come to terms with the changes entering my life.

The new rowan moon in Aquarius was on the 17^th. This was also the start of the Chinese New Year and year of the fire horse. As an earth rooster, I’m going to embrace the energy and change of the year of the horse to try to develop resilience and find balance.

I attended the online launch of Fairylore, by Brittany Warman and Sara Cleto (of the Carterhaugh School) on the 10^th. It was fabulous and Terri Windling, who is herself fabulous, sent a pre-recorded message of support. I wouldn’t receive the book, which I pre-ordered, until the 19^th. Grrrrr …

On the 11^th, Jessica Strawser presented “What Do Your Characters Want?” through Jane Friedman. I watched the replay, because work. Not a lot of new information here, but good reinforcement, nonetheless.

Also on the 11^th, I signed up for SFF book recommendations with Elizabth Bear and the Ashland Publish Library. Some of the books, I’ve already read, many I hadn’t, though, and now I have even more fodder for the TBR monster!

Back in October, I had signed up for the League of Canadian Poets Fall Poetry Intensive. Unfortunately, It fell on the same weekend as the Writing on the Rocks retreat and though I could have tried to attend, I decided not to. Recordings were promised. I finally received the recordings on February 17^th (!) and am slowly working my way through them.

Finally, on the 25^th, I signed up for a free workshop, “Fix Your Novel – The Top 5 Problems and How to Fix Them,” presented by Emily and Rachel of Golden May. I found this through my subscription to Kristen Keiffer’s newsletter. She’s a neurodivergent writer and book coach and it turns out that Rachel is ND too. Again, nothing revelatory, but a good webinar nonetheless.

And that’s it for writerly events.

I had my annual doctor’s checkup by phone on the 4^th. Five minutes later, I had my annual referrals for insurance and a requisition for bloodwork.

Also on the 4^th, I attended a union information session on the WFA process. No new information, really, but every iteration cements a few more things in my brain.

On the 7^th, I took my mom to the hairdresser and she managed the steps! Potential good news: our hairdresser may be moving to a more accessible house later in the year.

On the 13^th, I had bloodwork done as requested by my doctor.

The 14^th was Torvi’s slightly overdue touch up service at Petsmart. My girl was in her mid-winter coat blow, and I’d been plucking handfuls of hair off her daily for weeks, but she was still a shaggydog. Like SHAGGYDOG! The groomer took Torvi into the back room and used the handheld blow dryer to get the worst of the loose hair off and finished with a brushing on the table. I wish I’d had the foresight to take before and after pictures. The transformation was startling!

On the 19^th, I had my next therapy appointment. I had considered booking an extra, emergency session when I was informed of the WFA, but I didn’t feel the legitimate need for emotional support. I got that from Phil, Mom, my coworkers, and my friends. What I needed was more information.

The appointment was incredibly affirming, though, and we even got another values domain conquered. Only two more to go.

Finally, my support group met on the 25^th to discuss burnout and energy management. Good session.

Finally, I brought wine and take out to a friend’s and kept her up way too late chatting about all the things.

What I’m watching and reading

Phil and I watched Wonder Man (Disney +). This superpowered bromance between Simon Williams and Trevor Slattery was a fun critique of Hollywood. Simon is comic-accurate in his unlikability, but the show roots that in a deep insecurity and love for the craft of acting. After being cut from American Horror Story for being too “high maintenance,” Simon meets Trevor at a movie and the two bond. Trevor casually drops that he’s auditioning for the Von Kovak remake of Wonder Man, a movie Simon loved as a child. Simon wrangles himself an audition at the last minute. This is the role he was born to play.

Secretly, Trevor has made a deal with Agent Cleary of the Department of Damage Control (DoDC) to obtain evidence of Simon’s dangerous superpowers so he can stay out of prison. The DoDC has prisons to fill and a government to appease and agents are being fired if they fail to “produce.” And Simon, who does have dangerous powers, is desperate to keep them hidden because for the “Doorman Clause,” the explanation of which only enhances the series’ charm. Of course, things do not go as planned (!) One of the best Marvel series to come out since Loki.

Then, we watched the second season of Fallout (Prime). Coop’s backstory continues to trickle through the episodes as he and Lucy make their way to Vegas. Coop just wants to find his family, while Lucy is more interested in bringing her dad, Hank, to justice. When they get there their goals clash and Coop does Lucy dirty. Max tries to reform the Brotherhood of Steel from within, but when that fails, goes on the run with his old squire Thaddeus, now a ghoul, in search of Lucy. And Lucy’s brother Norm, trapped in Vault 31, revives the cryogenically frozen Vault-Tec executives and pretends to be their manager. Tensions between Vaults 32 and 33 rise over a water shortage. Next season promises a battle royale as the Brotherhood, the New California Republic Army, and the Legion converge on Vegas. Stephanie (Hank’s secret wife?!) launches Phase 2, whatever that is. Hank erases his memory, Lucy and Max reunite, and Coop is on his way to Colorado. A wild ride in a fun universe.

Next, I watched The Muppet Show (ABC). This 50^th anniversary special is the latest revival of the original sketch comedy and appears to be a one-off, or maybe a proof-of-concept for a true return of the show. Regardless, this was a true return to form and the show was fabulous. I hope they do bring it back. Everyone needs more Muppets in their lives (from a diehard Muppet maniac)!

Interestingly, Wil Wheaton said pretty much the same thing (about needing more Muppets in our lives) on Threads! I’m in amazing company, there!

Then, I watched Predator: Badlands (Disney +). Back in the wayback, I’d watched the first couple of Predator movies but became disenchanted when the Predator vs. Alien movies started. I’d wanted to check this out after hearing good things about it from various people I follow online. They were right! It was awesome!

Dek is a younger son of his clan leader, Njohrr, who considers him a runt. Njohrr orders Dek’s brother, Kwei to kill him, but Kwei refuses, and fights Njohrr, shoving Dek into his ship, and triggering the ship to take Dek to Genna, where he can prove himself by hunting the Kalisk, which even Njohrr fears. Trapped in the ship, Dek watches helplessly while Njohrr defeats and then executes Kwei before the rapid departure of the ship incapacitates him.

Dek is rudely awakened when the ship crash lands on Genna and he rapidly loses all his gear as the flora and fauna of Genna trounce him repeatedly and thoroughly. During one battle, Thea, a Weyland-Yutani synth offers to help Dek and proves herself by saving him. Then, they befriend a mischievous young alien they call Bud.

That’s all I’ll say, though I’m sure most of you have caught this one by now. A story about found family, and healing from toxic family dynamics. I’m encourage to check out Prey, which has been similarly praised. Look forward to that in the future.

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A note moving forward: I will specify whether the book I finish is a listen (audiobook) or a read (e-book or print book) from here out.

My first listen of February was Tananarive Due’s The Reformatory. This work of historical horror is based on the true story of a relative of Due’s. Twelve-year-old Robert Stevens Jr. is sentenced to six months in the Gracetown School for Boys after kicking the son of a rich, white landowner who was harassing his sister, Gloria. Their mother died years before and their father was forced to flee because he tried to organize a union, leaving Gloria and Robbie in the care of elderly Miss Lottie. Robbie can see haints, a comfort after his mother’s death, and Gloria sometimes sees premotions of people’s futures. When Robbie is sent to the reformatory, the superintendent sees in Robbie’s gift a way to rid himself of the ghosts of the boys he’s killed in the past. Meanwhile, Gloria does everything she can to get her brother released before he suffers the fate of so many Black boys sent to the reformatory before him. Can Robbie survive or will he become another haint bound to the cruelty of the Gracetown School for Boys? Eerie and excellent.

After that, I took a break from audiobooks and caught up on some Audible podcasts, starting with “It’s Storytime with Wil Wheaton.” Some fabulous short fiction, including a number of Canadian authors, all read in Wheaton’s wonderful voice. Since this is an ongoing podcast, I’ll listen to new episodes between future audiobooks.

A note about Audible podcasts: I do not like the default play mode for podcasts. It recycles the same 5 episodes from the current year/season, and I must manually intervene to play episodes in the order they were released. A true pain. Later on in the month, I discovered that listening to the episodes does not necessarily mark them as finished. So, I marked the ones I’d already listened to as finished and listening seemed to progress more easily from there on, though I’d still have to stop the podcast, manually mark the episode I’d already heard as finished AGAIN, and proceed.

Then, I finished reading John Scalzi’s short story (novelette?) 3 Days, 9 Months, 27 Years, his contribution to the Time Travellers Passport collection. The title of the story refers to the resonance intervals at which it’s possible for time travel tourists to return from their journeys. Scalzi’s narrator is the technician operating the time machine, sending people back to significant moments in history, their own pasts, and pre-human eras. What makes this kind of time trave unique is that each trip to the past spawns an alternate reality that will never affect the originating timeline. Of course, there’s a twist, and it’s devastating. Highly recommend!

Next, I read The Autistic’s Guide to Self-Discovery by Sol Stein. While most of the information in this book was not new to me, the context, and Stein’s delivery (read snarky footnotes, of which I’m a fan) was helpful. Stein also offers a process to recognize and address rumination that I really appreciated.

Then, I finished reading Martha Wells’ “Home,” a short story in the Murderbot universe. Told from Mensah’s point of view, the story covers her attempts to resolve the bureaucratic and political fallout of the events of Exit Strategy, when she, Murderbot, and the rest of the team return to Preservation Alliance. One of the bureaucratic hurdles? Murderbot’s status as a sentient being. As good as the rest of the series, despite its brevity.

I also finished reading R.F. Kuang’s Making Space, her contribution to the Time Traveler’s Passport. Jess, once disinterested in having children and then traumatized by years of unsuccessful attempts to conceive with her husband, finds a boy, naked and wounded, in a nearby forest. When the social worker she contacts is overwhelmed and unable to place the boy while she searches for his family, Jess volunteers to foster him. He will not offer his name or any information about himself, and Jess’s husband facetiously calls him Buddy. When Buddy finally reveals his secret, Jess learns just how far she’s willing to go to protect herself and Buddy. A fraught tale about fertility, women’s autonomy, and the burden of choosing to bring a child into a world beset by political turmoil and climate disaster. And time travel, as the series title suggests.

Then, I read Premee Mohamed’s The Butcher of the Forest. When the Tyrant King’s children wander into the Elmever, he summons Veris Thorn, the only woman to have rescued a child from the forest and lived. Being a tyrant, the King commands Veris to retrieve his children — alive — and sends his warriors to guard her home and elderly relatives. If she does not return with the children, not only her family, but her entire village will be put to the flame. Thus begins Veris’s odyssey into the deadly and enchanted Elmever, where nothing is as it seems. But the denizens of the Elmever have long memories. They know Veris and what she has done. It will cost her dearly to escape the forest’s clutches a second time. Eerily fantastic.

The next Audible podcast I listened to was Stephen Fry’s Edwardian Secrets. I’d listened to Secrets of the Roaring 20s a few years ago and enjoyed it. I seem to be listening to them in reverse chronological order (!) Interesting insights into the less well-known aspects of the period from Edward himself, through the suffragette movement, to human sexuality, and more. Very good.

I progressed to Stephen Fry’s Victorian Secrets and learned about women detectives, murder, gay, trans, and lesbian love, spiritualism, and Sherlock Holmes and his creator Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.

And that was the month in this writer’s life.

Until next month, be well and stay safe; be kind and stay strong. The world needs your stories!

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I acknowledge with respect that I am in Robinson-Huron Treaty territory, that the land from which I write is the traditional territory of the Anishinaabe and home of Atikameksheng Anishnawbek and Wahnapitae First Nation.