The waiting game and existing in uncertainty.

Life in general

As April started, I was deep in the well of uncertainty. Essentially, it’s where I dwell until I get the letter indicating my departure date.

But the Artemis II mission provided welcome hope and distraction. I watched the NASA livestreams every day. Just seeing these four people, including one Canadian, one woman, and one Black man, work together and express true wonder and joy in their jobs was a balm to my worn spirit.

Then, on the 7^th, Trump’s social media posted his announcement that “a whole civilization will die tonight.” The only way he could have done that was with nuclear weapons. With Trump’s increasingly erratic behaviour, no one could say for sure what he’d do.

The next day, he postponed his Armageddon by two weeks. A ceasefire was facilitated by Pakistan. But while the lists of demands on both sides were tentatively accepted, subject to negotiation, Israel’s refusal to stop attacking Lebannon threatened to put an end to both negotiations and the ceasefire.

Under pressure, Netanyahu authorized direct talks with Lebannon to disarm Hezbollah militants but insisted there was no ceasefire. The two nations have been at war since 1948.

There was a lot of back and forth — negotiations are back on, no, they’re not, the US is blockading the Strait of Hormuz — so much so that I stopped trying to keep track.

Other things happened, and I kept up with those through Heather Cox Richardson (on YouTube), to whom I’ll refer you if you want to find out more. The ceasefire was due to end May 1^st.

At work, my team lead departed and my team was left without supervision. Not really, other team leads stepped in, but it meant that I could (and was) be assigned work from multiple people at any given time. After two days of putting out fires and diverting to “side quests,” I was extra dysregulated and in need of a break.

Then, a week full of appointments and a meeting with my director to discuss whether I wanted to abandon the voluntary departure program and opt into the newly-minted early retirement incentive had me further dysregulated. But I managed as I put my workload back in order and took my time.

In the last days of April, all fires put out and mysteries solved, I got back to what was supposed to be my “A” project and things started to settle.

The month in writing

The first decision I made was to set aside work on the two short stories that have been languishing since the beginning of the year. Both stories aren’t quite “right” yet and the solutions to their respective problems haven’t emerged. I realized that this was a form of procrastination.

So, I got back to Reality Bomb because solutions to that story’s problems have been bouncing around in my head since January. It’s time to implement them.

And I hoped to catch up on a couple of reviews that I’d been sitting with. They’re both for poetry collections and I’ve felt like a bit of a fraud in that arena. I only have the one collection out myself and both collections are deep and intricate, and I worry that I won’t do them justice. I have to set those concerns aside, as well. It’s another form of procrastination.

But then, a new publishing opportunity and deadline opened up, and had to think about which story had the potential to fit the submission guidelines.

After only a few days, I lapsed into inactivity again, though. I’m still so dysregulated … I can’t even.

On April 1^st, I was River Street Writing’s first poet in their 2026 National Poetry Month promotion.

Then, on the 3^rd, Murgatroyd Monaghan posted a promo for the Neurodiverses poetry showcase.

On the 4^th, I received a set of interview questions for the Sustainability vs. Ambition blog series Nina Munteanu is doing for Reality Skimming. I set to, despite my fraud-like feelings at the prospect.

My review of A.L. Jensen’s (AKA Liisa Kovala’s) Hygge and Homicide was published in The Seaboard Review of Books on the 6^th.

A rejection for the flash fiction piece I submitted early last month came in on the 7^th. Though I’m disappointed, I really like the story and am already thinking about other opportunities.

My publisher, Latitude 46, promoted their poetry backlist for National Poetry Month, and The Art of Floating received its promo on the 7^th. They even tied my moon poems into the Artemis II mission! Adored!

My interview with Emily Andrews for her CKLU radio show was on the 11^th. I had a lot of fun chatting with Emily. I’m looking forward to the broadcast!

Also on the 11^th, I received notification that I had not been selected for the shortlist of the contest I submitted to last month. Again, I like the story, but it’s not my typical SFF subject matter. It’s going to be a challenge to place it elsewhere.

And I participated in Neurodiverses: A National Autism/National Poetry Month showcase on the 18^th. It was a fabulous, intimate event, and I got to read some of my more recent autism poems.

Filling the well

The full sugaring moon in Libra was on the first, also April Fool’s Day, on which I was grateful to escape the bulk of jokes and pranks.

The Easter long weekend followed, and my small family eschewed a stressful celebration this year, opting instead to celebrate my sister-in-law’s birthday (April 6^th) at our favourite restaurant.

The new alder moon in Aries was on the 17^th.

And it’s the triumphant return of MOON pictures!

In writing-related events, I signed up for K.M. Weiland’s “Ego-Driven vs. Soul-Driven Character Arcs” course on the 1^st. She’s starting a new story school and because I’ve been a newsletter subscriber, I received early notification. I love what Katie’s doing with story structure and character arcs these days.

I also signed up for her next course, “The Villain as an Aspect of the Hero’s Psyche,” on the 15^th. I had the option to watch the replay. This course played into the idea of the villain being the hero’s shadow, and delved into the negative archetypal aspects of the character archetypes.

Can-Con Virtual was on the 18^th. But because of work-related dysregulation and the Neurodiverses poetry reading, I decided to catch these on replay.

And I finished the month off with The FOLD online from April 26^th to 29^th. Again, as I was working, I chose to pace myself and watch the sessions I was interested in later.

Also on the 26^th, I signed up for “How to get out of burnout and back to creating” with Gauri Yardi. This course was a referral/recommendation from Golden May. It was an excellent session, and Gauri has a lot of experience addressing burnout.

On the 28^th, I signed up for a presentation on “The Queen of Wands: Fairy Lore in the Tarot” with Sara & Brittany of the Carterhaugh School. Being a tarot fan myself, I wanted to see what they had to say about the intersection of fairytales and tarot.

Finally, Kisten Keiffer offered a mini-course called “The 7-minute Method.” It was about challenging resistance and getting back to creating.

I’m seeing a theme with all these courses. Functional burnout for the win!

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I registered for intermediate Finnish through the Sudbury Finnish School. Lessons started April 13^th and will continue for eight weeks.

Because of a conflict, I selected a different night to attend my support group this month. Good Company met on the 16th and the topic was hormonal changes and menopause. It was great!

My massage therapist was injured back in January, but she informed me late last month that she was fully recovered and taking clients again. My first scheduled massage of the year was on the 22^nd. I missed her SO much! Apparently, I’ve been carrying ALL my stress in my neck (!)

I took my mom to her doctor’s appointment on the 23^rd. I’m going to accompany her to these in the future, so I can better provide for her care.

My next therapy session was on the 24^th. I lied last month. There were still two value domains to explore and we managed them in addition to my monthly brain dump.

Torvi’s monthly touch up was on the 25^th. The groomer suggested that we try a full bath again. I don’t think she knows what she’s asking for.

Finally, on the 30^th, I made an appointment with my orthodontist to have my retainer assessed. I’ve been feeling some pressure on my teeth and was concerned that maybe I’d need to have it replaced. Not so. The retainer is fine. It just needed a little adjustment, I was out of the office in 15 minutes, and there was no charge.

And then I went out to a family birthday (2-in-1) at a local restaurant. Good evening. Tasty food. Still had to recover after. Yes, even fun stuff costs spoons.

What I’m watching and reading

The first series I finished watching in April was the second season of The Artful Dodger (Disney +). At the end of the first season, Jack was arrested just as he was about to operate on Belle’s heart (!) Fortunately, he was allowed to operate, though off-screen, as the second season picks up months later, with Belle fully recovered and Jack in prison. Fagin arranges to Jack’s conditional release and immediate embroils his former apprentice in his latest scheme. But Jack isn’t the only one drawn in. Belle’s sister Fanny turns out to be a deft hand at forgery. Medically, there is a serial killer on the loose who removes their victims’ organs (of course, Jack is under suspicion), and Jack and Belle must work first to discover the cause of an outbreak of cholera, and then to find a cure for it. Though the season ends with both medical mysteries solved and Belle and Jack firmly reunited, Fagin’s desperate play to fake his own suicide has backfired on him and he comes to in his own coffin, buried alive by his crew. I assume this means a season three is in the works, though no official announcement has been made yet.

Then, I watched Wicked for Good (Prime). I have not read MacGuire’s book, nor have I seen the musical (I know). Despite that, I enjoyed the conclusion to the tale and the ultimately hopeful ending. I know it would have meant an even longer movie, but I would have appreciated seeing more of Dorothy’s journey (most of which happened off-stage or in shadow play or only looking at her back) and a bit more about Fiyero’s transformation and role in Dorothy’s adventures.

Next, I finished watching the second season of High Potential (CTV/ABC). Morgan and Karadec solve a bunch more cases, relying on Morgan’s HP intellect, Morgan and captain Wagner get close, and the search for Morgan’s missing husband Roman takes a series of increasingly dark turns. The finale blows up several relationships and leaves one life hanging in the balance. I continue to enjoy this series.

I finished watching the second season of Cross (Prime). Alex Cross is conflicted this season as he pursues Luz, a virtuous serial killer taking down the Billionaire tech-bros whose experimental treatments killed her mother and who use children as slave labour in their labs and factories. A solid second season.

Then, I watched the second season of The Pitt (HBO Max/Crave). This series has consistently been one of the best I’ve seen in recent years. It has a truly diverse cast (looking at you, Dr. King) and every character has their own arc that weaves its way through the chaos of patients in the emergency department. This season is centred around Dr. Rabinovitch (Robbie) as he prepares to leave on a three-month sabbatical/motorcycle pilgrimage once he finishes an apocryphal Fourth of July dayshift in the ED. A systems outage and the detention of one of their own by ICE officers are just the tip of the iceberg. The season centres on mental health and asking for help and finding healthy ways to deal with the stress. Superb!

Phil and I finished watching the fourth season of Invincible (Prime). This one’s a heavy season. In the first episodes, almost every enemy from past seasons returns to challenge Mark and the other heroes. Eve gets pregnant and it wreaks havoc with her powers, but before she can tell Mark, Nolan and Allan show up and recruit Mark to help them kill the remaining Viltrumites. Of course, Oliver has to go, too. And it gets bloody. In a desperate final effort, Nolan, Mark, and Thaedus burrow through the Viltrum home world and destroy it, but there are still 37 Viltrumites left alive. Mark and Oliver and even Nolan almost die multiple times. Mark, plagued by PTSD, makes a fateful deal, and Allan, who has become the leader of the Coallition after Thaedus’ death, is asked to commit genocide. A bloody, but compelling season. Looking forward to season 5!

Next, I finished season three of Shrinking (Apple TV). Everything changes this season! Alice graduates and leaves for college! Louis moves on! Paul retires and moves away! Brian and Charlie welcome their baby! Derek has a heart attack, and he and Liz apply tough love with their son. Sean gets the job of his dreams and moves out of Jimmy’s pool house. Gaby suffers a professional and personal setback and does a reverse ninja proposal! And Jimmy? He tries dating Sofi, but everything implodes when his dad comes to visit. But Paul “Jimmy’s” Jimmy at the last minute before he leaves. How will Jimmy fare now that half his support system is gone? That’s what next season is about (I think). Excellent!

Finally, I finished watching the first, short (9 episodes, not necessarily short in terms of streaming series, but most networks are still producing between 19 and 22 a season) season of RJ Decker (ABC/CTV). RJ was a photojournalist until he beat up a kid who stole his camera. The kid’s sister testifies against him and he’s sentenced to prison. Upon his release, he starts up a PI business in south Florida with the help of his ex-wife, a journalist, her wife, a cop, a fellow ex-con and bartender, and the woman who sent him to prison. The series is based on the novel Double Whammy by Carl Hiaasen and was entertaining. ABC has not decided about renewal … yet.

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My first read of April was The Book of Interruptions by Khashayar “Kess” Mohammadi. These poems meet at the intersection of war, immigration, sexuality, history, and the crossroads of Perso-Islamic and Western philosophy. Like Margo Lapierre’s Ajar, it’s taking me some time to let Khashayar’s poetry find a home in me. Heady and heavy stuff.

Then, I finished listening to Popular Tales from the Norse, translated by George Webbe Dasent. All the favourites are here and, oddly, at the end, several Anansi tales are thrown in (?) I always enjoy folktales and fairy tales, regardless.

Next, I listened to the Audible Original/Great Courses collaboration Self-Care Strategies: Nourish to Flourish by Katie McDonald. In 15 lessons covering everything from work to spirituality, McDonald provides foundational practices that go beyond getting a mani and pedi at the spa. I do most of what she suggests already, and some of what she advised reminded me of the values work I’ve been engaged in with my therapist.

Then, I finished reading Freya Marske’s A Marvellous Light. Young and cash-strapped baronet Robin Blythe feels fortunate to have been assigned to a minor government post. He soon learns that he’s been named liaison to a secret magical society he never suspected existed. Edwin Courcey walks into Robin’s office expecting to find his predecessor, Reggie, and is distressed to learn he’s missing. When Robin is cursed and begins to have visions of the future, he reluctantly turns to Edwin—the only magician he knows—in an attempt to gain relief from the wracking curse and find the artefact the mysterious people who cursed him seem to want and think is in his possession. Together, they uncover a plot that threatens every magician in the British Isles. And not unexpectedly, they also uncover romantic feelings for each other, risky in this alternate Edwardian setting. Excellent!

Next, I read One Day Everyone Will Have Always Been Against This by Omar El Akkad. It’s a devastating book that indicts the systems we live within, where liberals are more likely to be centrists, or even conservatives in disguise; where genocide is a word best not spoken; where politics trumps basic human values. Between reflections on the world and how it’s changed since October 7, 2023, El Akkad recounts his own emigration, his initial belief that the west was better than the country of his birth, his development as a journalist and author, and his disillusionment beginning with the attacks of 9/11. This book is both his Dear John and a fuck you to the west and its systems of oppression. The book’s title was taken from the author’s tweet of October 25^th, 2023: “One day, when it’s safe, when there’s no personal downside to calling a thing what it is, when it’s too late to hold anyone accountable, everyone will have always been against this.”

I listened to T. Kingfisher’s Paladin’s Strength. I’d listened to the first in the series, Paladin’s Grace, last year and adored it. Istvahn is a paladin of the dead god the Saint of Steel and a berserker without divine guidance. He’s on a mission tracking the smooth men, a supernatural threat, across the continent. On the way, he meets Sister Clara, who’s on a mission of her own — to rescue her sisters, who were abducted after their convent was burned. They team up to accomplish both their goals, but Clara has a secret she’s loathe to reveal, even to the paladin she’s falling in love with. I just love, love, love T. Kingfisher’s novels!

So, of course, I listened to Paladin’s Hope next. Galen is another of the dead Saint of Steel’s paladins, now working for the Temple of the Rat. The death of the Saint left him with PTSD and night terrors in which he relives the chaos that followed his god’s death. No one can touch him when he’s trapped in his night terrors as he is deep in the battle tide and strikes out at anyone nearby. He’s come to terms with the fact that he’ll always be alone, except for his fellow paladins, who are the only people he feels safe around. Piper is a lich-doctor (read coroner) who determines the cause of death for the Rat’s lawyers and the city guard. When gnole constable Earstripe draws Piper’s attention to the latest in a series of mangled bodies washed ashore, the investigation takes all three of them into an ancient maze of deathtraps. As they struggle to survive, secrets are revealed, including the secrets of the heart.

Next, I finished reading Yield by Jaime Forsythe. This long poem dives into the experience of postpartum depression to which one has no choice but to yield. Presented against the backdrop of the Maritime coast, the metaphors are oceanic, reaching back to the amniotic fluid in which we all first learn to swim, and forward to a time when the postpartum veil is lifted. Liminality and the juxtaposition of states play out in couplets. A gorgeous collection.

Finally, I brought myself up to date with the Saint of Steel series by listening to Paladin’s Faith by T. Kingfisher. Margeurite Florain, an operative (read spy) returns after her appearance in book one of the series as Grace’s best friend. She is currently being hunted by her former employer, the Red Sail, and comes to the Temple of the Rat for help. Bishop Beartongue provides her with two paladins, Shane and Wren, to support her mission of finding an artificer who has made a machine that will extract salt from seawater, breaking the monopoly the Red Sail has on the market.

Shane trained for years to become a paladin of the Dreaming God, but he was never chosen. When the battle tide took him, Shane became a paladin of the Saint of Steel, but when that god died (or was he murdered?) it left a hole in Shane’s soul he’s been desperately trying to fill with good deeds since. He’d willingly die to protect Margeurite. It’s what he’s for, after all. Wren is short and doesn’t look like a paladin at all. Her preferred weapon is an axe. The three of them head to the Court of Smoke and then fall prey to an odd demonic cult in their quest to find the artificer and bring her safely back to the Rat. These books are so fun to read. Just my speed, these days.

And that was the month in this writer’s life.

Until next month, be well and stay safe; be kind and stay strong. The world needs your stories!

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I acknowledge with respect that I am in Robinson-Huron Treaty territory, that the land from which I write is the traditional territory of the Anishinaabe and home of Atikameksheng Anishnawbek and Wahnapitae First Nation.