Poetry reading

The next chapter: August 2025 update

/ Melanie Marttila

If I don’t accept your “gift,” it’s yours to keep.

A picture of a blue sky with clouds.

Life in general

I was introduced to a story about the Buddha. It goeth thusly: a man goes up to the Buddha and calls him a fraud. The Buddha says nothing. The man angrily demands to be acknowledged, to hear the Buddha’s response to his accusation. After a while, the Buddha asks the man, “Who does a gift belong to if it is refused?” “To the person who gives it,” the man replies. “I have refused your anger. You may keep it,” the Buddha says and returns to his meditation.

This story is about not taking on other people’s opinions of you, not taking on unnecessary emotional (or other) labour, and about maintaining healthy boundaries. This is my current challenge.

Things were going well, but by the middle of second week of full-time work, I could feel the tired creeping up on me again. I could feel my level of meh and frustration with the ongoing project rise. It didn’t help that the goalposts were moved again. I wondered if I’d ever get out of the seemingly endless cycle of eternally revised content.

I tried some additional accommodations in the interest of conserving spoons during day job hours to devote them to my creative work. I have a new kitchen timer, so I can put it on for 20 minutes to give myself a reminder to step away from my desk when I need to. I don’t even mind the ticking, because it keeps me from going down the hyperfocus rabbit hole.

It works well … if I remember to use it, which is the problem.

I started standing for my workday. I have an adjustable desk at home and can raise and lower it as needed. Again, it helps keep me present … but my feet, knees, and lower back don’t enjoy it.

I use the fitness ball to balance and bounce around during meetings, but there haven’t been many of those this month with summer holidays and all.

It’s a work in progress. I’ll keep trying things until I find a system/structure that works.

Another lovely bit of good news, though. I was able to apply for another self-funded leave from the last week of October to the end of November. It’ll be another stretch off for self-care and maintenance. Recovery is all, folks!

In other wellness news, I’ve been swimming once a week since July 1st, building up my stamina and refamiliarizing myself with the strokes. It’s been lovely getting into the water again. I paused in the second last week of August when the weather went from sweltering to below seasonal. Call me a chickenshit, but I’m getting too old to swim when it’s chilly. I know that, technically, the water should feel warmer when the air is cool, but I’m considering my sensory capacity and relative comfort.

I think I’m done lake swimming for the year, though.

The month in writing

After finishing the first cutting pass of Reality Bomb, I took a break to finish up some reviews, a creative non-fiction flash piece, and some poetry (I have a looooong backlog of ideas yet to be committed to the page).

I wrote 6 poems and finished drafting my CNF flash piece.

In late July, I was presented with the possibility of a September poetry reading through the Apposite Poetry Series in London, Ontario. I didn’t announce anything at the time because the organizers were still trying to confirm another poet. They’d let me know once they heard back from the other poet.

Not wanting to miss the LCP poetry reading series funding deadline on August 1st, I applied. I could always withdraw after if the opportunity didn’t pan out.

But on the 4th, I received the confirmation! I would be the featured reader on September 10th! And on the 15th, I was advised that my reading funding had been granted! Leave from work granted. Hotel and rental car booked. I’m all set.

Apposite Poetry Reading Series open mic featuring Melanie Marttila. Wednesday, September 10th at 6:30 pm. 572 Adelaide St. N.

Also on the 10th, this lovely review came out in On Creative Writing: Neurodivergent author Melanie Marttila on the power of reclaiming your authentic voice. It’s de-gorgeous, and I’m so happy.

On the 9th, I received an invitation for one of my poems published in 2024 to be included in a year’s best anthology! Eeeeeee! Contract is signed, but I will have to wait on announcing anything further until the publisher begins formal promotion.

The SF Canada financial review meeting was on the 8th. Just preparing all the financial materials for our auditors and addressing a couple of bits and bobs.

On the 30th, I put my name in for the Wordstock festival planning committee. I don’t know how much I’ll be able to help, but I’ll do what I can.

Filling the well

August 1st was Lughnassadh. It happened to be the last day of a break in the heat. It was a lovely first harvest and I thought about all the things I’ve done for myself, my mental health, and my creative life in the last couple of months, lit my altar, and focused on gratitude.

The full ricing moon in Aquarius was on the 9th. Super hot. Did a guided “Lion’s Gate” meditation.

The news holly moon in Virgo was on the 23rd. Things were cooling down. Did another guided meditation.

I registered for the League of Canadian Poets open mic night on the 6th. It was lovely to read and to hear all the wonderful poetry on my fellow LCP members.

On the 15th, I attended Practical Tools to Help You Write Layered Stories, Not Stereotypes with Ángela Álvarez Vélez, an Authors Publish webinar. It was an excellent presentation.

I signed up for the Worldshift Speculative Fiction Writers’ Summit from the 20th to the 23rd. A lot of my favourite writing craft experts were speaking, and I watched everything on replay because work.

My first in-person appointment with my new therapist was on the 7th. Mostly, it was me, talking her ear off, but I did receive a handy guide called the ND polyvagal ladder. I’m to monitor where I am on the ladder daily as a form of mindfulness and to check in with myself so I can hopefully detect and deescalate meltdowns, shutdowns, and burnouts in the future.

I had a massage on the 13th. Ahhhh! Rest and digest, baby! Parasympathetic nervous system win!

My last appointment with my EAP therapist was on the 20th. It was a lovely farewell to a therapist who helped me a fair amount in a short period of time.

Then, I signed up for The Force of Choice: Mastering Your Emotional Reactors with Pat Tallman on the 30th.

What I’m watching and reading

Phil and I watched the final season of The Sandman (Netflix).

I debated whether I’d even mention this because of the substantiated accusations of SA against the author and the possible complicity of his then partner. It is deeply disappointing to me that a person capable of writing such beautiful stories could also be capable of such abuse … and that he attempted to use his neurodivergence as an excuse for said abuse. ND people are, first and foremost, people, and everyone has the potential for evil within them. I believe the women who have come forward. Phil is still in denial. It’s a difficult circle to square. In the end, I’ve decided to try appreciating the art of this problematic man separate from him, but also to attempt to see if I can find signs of the truth in his work.

Morpheus/Dream creates both beauty (dreams) and terror (nightmares). In retaliation for his decades-long imprisonment, Dream traps his captor’s son in an eternal dream. That he later, at Death’s prompting, releases the young man several decades later, doesn’t erase the lost years of life the now-octogenarian must contend with in the time he has left. Dream creates the Corinthian, a nightmare who becomes a serial killer. That he eventually destroys his nightmare and later recreates a moral version of him to help Joanna Constantine find and protect Daniel (Dream’s successor) doesn’t erase the deaths the Corinthian caused or Dream’s responsibility for letting them happen. And having the reformed Corinthian and Joanna get together in the denouement is all kinds of ick. Dream sentences the woman he supposedly loves to hell for 10,000 years because she rejected him. That he later attempts to free her (only to discover that Lucifer has abandoned hell and by default released her before Dream got there) is a totally insufficient act that he only takes because Death (again) nudges him. He declines to help his son, Orpheus, resulting in the events of Orpheus and Euridice, and Orpheus’ living for 2,000 years as an immortal, disembodied head. That he, (again) at Death’s urging, decides to grant his son’s wish and kill him … too little, too late, really. Even though it results in his death—suicide by Fury for the crime of shedding family blood—which he first avoids, nearly resulting in the destruction of his realm and all its dreams, and then neatly sidesteps by voluntarily giving himself into his sister’s care, really falls short of true repentance or change. When the new version of Daniel/Dream attempts to recreate Fiddler’s Green as he has with several other dreams destroyed by Lyta Hall, the Furies’ catspaw, the dream declines. Dream will have to get along without Fiddler’s Green and his sage advice. There must be consequences. In all, Dream perpetrates all kinds of evil and though a Big Deal is made about how much he’s changed, he hasn’t learned a thing by the time he takes Death’s hand. His siblings and subjects tolerate his abandonment and abuse and continue to advise and love him. This is the author’s wish fulfillment coming through. Newsflash: no one gets away with abuse forever.

This is just my opinion, at first blush, within a couple of days of finishing the series.

Then, I finished watching the first season of The Librarians: The Next Chapter (CTV Sci-fi). It wasn’t bad. A new librarian displaced in time who wants nothing more than to return to his beloved Anya 200 years in the past. A new guardian-in-training, desperate to prove herself, and two new sidekicks, one of whom owns the castle the current annex is in, and a former university professor kicked out of academia because of his social media influencer/conspiracy theorist obsession with the library. Stone even returns to bookend the series. They neatly tied off the time issue and storyline at the end of the 12-episode run, which was a smart move in case they weren’t renewed, but reports are that filming of season 2 began in May. Goofy shenanigans abound. I’ll watch season 2.

Next, I watched K-Pop Demon-Hunters (Netflix). I saw an interview with the Huntr/x voice cast on New Rockstars. Arden Cho (voice of “Rumi”), May Hong (voice of “Mira”) and Ji-young Yoo (voice of “Zoey”) were absolutely lovely! Zoey is the most clearly autistic-coded. But Mira has a flat affect and shows signs of rejection-sensitive dysphoria. And Rumi’s secret, half-demon nature is something she’s had to mask her whole life. The tiger demon, Derpy, is OCD. I’m obsessed.

The story is all about overcoming shame and learning to love yourself. That’s all I’ll say. Cause this one’s a feel-good banger and so is the soundtrack.

Then, I finished watching the first season of Revival (CTV Sci-fi). It’s based on a comic I haven’t read. In the small town of Wausau, Wisconsin, recently deceased people resurrect. Police officer Dana Cypress learns that her little sister Martha (Em) is a Reviver, and they try to find out who killed Em and how Revival Day happened. There’s a lot more to the series, but it was good enough to withhold the details and invite you to watch. This is not your typical zombie story.

I finished watching the Disney + limited series Eyes of Wakanda. The animation was great, and so was the story about the War Dogs and the recovery of vibranium artefacts through the ages. And an Iron Fist! And a time travelling Black Panther queen! And a fabulous tie-in to the first Black Panther movie! They packed a lot of lore into these four half-hour episodes.

Finally, I watched Thunderbolts* (Disney +). This is the best Marvel movie I’ve seen in years. It’s the perfect exploration of what it means to be a hero. It’s not about the fight scenes, though there are those. It’s about helping each other weather turbulent times and the mental health challenges that inevitably come with them. No notes (from me … others have done their analyses—look ‘em up if you’re so inclined).

My first listen of the month was The Bridge Kingdom, the first in the Bridge Kingdom series by Danielle L. Jensen. I read the 5th book in the series back in May and decided to catch up. In this book, Princess Lara and her 12 half-sisters have been indoctrinated into a deep hatred of Ithicana through a regimen of torture over the course of 15 years. One of them will be chosen to become the wife of the new king of Ithicana, Aren, and deliver the Bridge into their father’s hands. But when Lara overhears her “mentor” discussing how everyone but the chosen bride will be killed to prevent word of the plot from getting out of their isolated desert compound, she concocts a scheme of her own to spare her sisters’ lives and sacrifice herself to the mission.

When she arrives in Ithicana, though, Lara learns that everything she was taught about Ithicana is wrong, but not before she inadvertently sends her father the key to Ithicana’s destruction. As I observed back in May, the series is written in a series of duologies. The first book brings the protagonist and their budding romantic relationship to the breaking point before resolving it in the second book. An enjoyable, but dark series.

I decided to finish the Bridge Kingdom series (whatever was available on Audible, anyway) and continued with The Traitor Queen. Lara is the eponymous queen, living in exile after she handed her father the key to possessing the bridge. Ithicana still fights, but when Lara learns that her father has taken Aren captive, she braves the Tempest Seas to return to Ithicana. She has a plan to free Aren and defeat her father, and no expectation of redemption.

I kept rolling with Audible into book 3, The Inadequate Heir. This one dials back the timeline to the onset of Maridrina’s attack on Ithicana, which started when crown prince Keris made an agreement with King Aren to use the bridge to travel to university in Harendell. It was a ruse and Keris an unknowing dupe. His escort viciously murders their Ithicanian guards and begins the invasion, Keris bound to prevent his interference. Keris has a reputation for being bookish (the worst insult in a kingdom of warriors) and of spending his nights drinking, gambling, and womanizing. The only reason he is heir is because all his older brothers have either died in the war against Valcotta or have been killed, often by one another, in their attempts to win their father’s favour. But after this incident, Keris, never his father’s greatest supporter, decides to actively work against him.

Zarrah has been chosen by her aunt, the Empress of Valcotta to be her heir over her cousin Berman. King Silas of Maridrina murdered her mother and bound Zarrah, then a child, beneath her mother’s crucified body, her mother’s head in her lap. Now she wants to kill every Maridinian, starting with the crown prince.

Both Keris and Zarrah are inadequate heirs in this enemies-to-lovers romantasy.

Next, because I’m also reading print and e-books, just at a slower rate, I finished Birch and Jay by Allister Thompson. This post-apocalyptic novel is framed in a fictive future present in which a new group of Seekers is graduating in the community of Norbay decades after climate crisis has left the world in ruins. Jay and his partner Birch, elders of the community, tell the tale of his first mission to the graduates. Jay is sent to Queen’s University but is captured by the militia of Great Toronto—a newly-risen fascist state ruled by The Six—and tried as a spy. Birch, though not a Seeker, follows Jay and runs into troubles of her own.

The worldbuilding in this novel is great. Norbay (North Bay) was founded by women and like-minded men who wanted to learn from the mistakes of the past and rebuild human society in a sustainable way. But they need information to do that. Hence the Seekers, who go out into the ravaged world, by bicycle, and travel to former cities and universities in search of knowledge.

Though secondary characters, the elder women of the novel, Cedar, an elder of Norbay, Elm, a rogue Seeker, and Ning, a toughened lone survivor who saves Birch from a gang of young men, are the real stars of the novel. It’s their hard-won wisdom and tenacity that help Birch save Jay from Great Toronto.

Then, I finished reading Paris 1919 by Margaret MacMillan. This was part of my research for my alternate history solarpunk, which is set in 1936, in between the two world wars. I wanted to find out how the political stage was set at the end of WWI. And boy howdy was this book informative. The decisions taken in Paris in 1919 would not only set WWII in motion, but we are still dealing with the fallout of some of them, like giving Palestine to Israel. It was a difficult read, but I’m glad I persisted.

It’s time to return to Narnia, though. I need a palate-cleanser.

Next, I finished reading Zachary Ying and the Dragon Emperor by Xiran Jay Zhao. Zachary Ying is just trying to survive school and not stress out his mom too much. And play Mythrealm, an AR game. Simon Li is the new Chinese kid at school—of course, the Chinese kids would become friends, eye roll—and it’s not long before Zach learns that he’s the reincarnation of Qin Shi Huang, the first emperor of China, who really needs him to seal the portal to the Chinese underworld before all the spirits escape and wreak havoc on the world. When demons steal Zack’s mom’s soul, he has no choice but to agree because the place he has to go to get his mom’s souls back is—you guessed it—the Chinese underworld. Simon is the reincarnation of Tang Taizong and the third member of their team Melissa Wu, is the reincarnation of Wu Zetien. Together, they travel across China, heist magical artefacts, and defeat figures of myth and history to achieve their goal. A great, fun read!

Back with Danielle L. Jensen’s The Bridge Kingdom series, I finished The Endless War. When I read The Inadequate Heir, I felt Jensen took a slightly different tack with the relationship. Unlike Aren and Lara or later, Ahnna and James, Zarrah and Keris did not overtly or purposely betray one another. They didn’t even appear to betray each other. They met anonymously, though it was clear that she was Valcottan and he was Maridrinian. They bonded over their shared dream of peace between their countries, and when they’re identities were revealed, they initially presented a united front against his father, King Silas Veliant and her aunt, Empress Petra, who are the real perpetrators of the endless war.

Unfortunately, in book 4, Keris becomes king of Maridrina, and his father’s spy master sends evidence to Petra of his relationship with Zarrah, and Petra sends Zarrah to Devil’s Island, a nigh on inescapable prison where the inmates have divided into factions that are continuously fighting one another, and the desperate have resorted to cannibalism to stay alive. So, despite the passionate devotion Zarrah and Keris show one another, this, too, is a grimdark book. The climax and denouement are pretty clever, though.

Finally, I finished the month with The Wild Robot by Peter Brown. Yes, this is a MG book, but it’s so wonderful. Roz wakes up on an island, surrounded by the parts of her (Brown himself characterizes Roz as female) fellow robots. She explores the island, learns the animal speech, and fosters a gosling whose family is killed in an accident.

There are distinctions between the book and the movie (that I watched last year), but they both stand on their own. Lovely, gentle, and life-affirming.

And that was the month in this writer’s life.

Until next month, be well and stay safe; be kind and stay strong. The world needs your stories!

The next chapter: A month in the writerly life. https://melaniemarttila.ca

I acknowledge with respect that I am in Robinson-Huron Treaty territory, that the land from which I write is the traditional territory of the Anishinaabe and home of Atikameksheng Anishnawbek and Wahnapitae First Nation.

The next chapter: May 2025 update

/ Melanie Marttila

My little love got sick, and I realized I’m not out of the burnout woods yet.

Picture of Torvi looking gormless.

Life in general

Content warning for the generalized ick of pet parenthood. Much discussion of poop.

Torvi gave us a scare at the beginning of the month. On the night of the 2nd, after some “soft serve” poops during the day, she was up all night with vomiting and diarrhea. Phil, as usual, shouldered the bulk of the work, staying up, or getting up to let Torvi out so she could relieve herself. I cleaned up the vomit in the house and took her out a couple of times. We did not feed her until supper the following day hoping her system would benefit from the “rest,” but she wasn’t interested in partaking when we put her kibbles out on Sunday. We tried to encourage her to drink so she wouldn’t get dehydrated.

If she didn’t improve by Monday, we’d call the vet. Fortunately, the continual stream of liqui-poop calmed down on Sunday and Torvi started to show interest in food again.

This was only one of several events/days that made what should have been a restorative 4-day weekend dysregulating.

I’d taken May 1st and 2nd off—‘cause I always take the quarter and cross-quarter observances off—and though the pressure seemed to be off on the big project at work, things still needed to get done, so I was still in a place where I had minimal/no spoons after work. I engaged in a little bedtime revenge procrastination on Wednesday night anticipating being able to sleep in the next day.

But Thursday started out with Phil’s cell phone ringing—since our mom health challenges last year, we both keep our phones on all the time, just in case. He hung up. Moments later, my phone rang. It was the furnace technician announcing his imminent arrival. I told Phil I was going back to sleep and he got up to deal with the tech. It was around 7:40 am.

Torvi set up a-barking when the tech arrived, and Phil locked her in the bedroom with me to keep her out of the tech’s way. It was a choice. She whined the whole time, and I did not get any more sleep.

The tech’s visit was blessedly short, but then Mom called wanting to go to the bank. She had to pay her taxes. Phil agreed to take her.

And that was it for me trying to sleep. I got up, already dysregulated out of the gate. So, I took my time with my morning ritual and felt a little calmer.

Returning from my walk with Torvi, I noticed a car in the driveway. I went to Mom’s, as I do every day, and when I got home, I saw that a friend was visiting, out of the blue. A pleasant surprise, but another disruption to my day’s plans. I had wanted to go shopping for another friend’s birthday present. I had my route and tasks all lined up but had to defer departure.

I’d also wanted to see if I could stop off at my publisher to pick up some books for review.

I set off on my planned shopping trip—and I should note here that I hate shopping—and got home just after 5. Unfortunately, I also forgot my Flare Calmer and was a bit buzzy. The publisher emailed that she was out of town, and I’d have to pick up the books the next week. Because I had taken off so late, I didn’t have a chance to deal with my email or read blog posts or anything. Supper arrived and then Torvi’s evening walk and by the time I finished clearing the daily slate it was after 11 pm.

I ended up revenge procrastinating until almost 3 am in a vain attempt to regulate before I got to bed. Surely, I could sleep in on Friday . . . Alas, no. I could not. The day was better, but when I went to ship my friend’s birthday package, the post office’s computer was down. So, no shipping and further disruption to my plans. That was the day Torvi started to have her difficulties. Though I got to bed at a reasonable time, there was little sleep Friday night.

Saturday, I managed to get the package shipped, but Mom was sick, Torvi was still sick, and Phil and I were heading to a family combo birthday celebration. The celebration itself was lovely, and the food was great, but I was masking my worry over both Mom and Torvi. Torvi slept through the night, and I slept through the night and Sunday seemed to be salvaged.

But Torvi’s health did not stabilize. Despite hand feeding and special dinners of rice, veggies and chicken, the diarrhea did not stop. We made an appointment with the vet.

It was likely Torvi had giardia, also called “beaver fever,” which is transmissible to humans.

I brought a ploop sample and came away with seven days worth of meds and a package of canine probiotics for her food. They couldn’t confirm giardia until the test results came back but were willing to treat the situation as if it was giardia and proceed with next steps when the results were returned.

As of the 9th, Torvi was eating her medicated food and the diarrhea had stopped, but we were still waiting on an even half-formed stool. Which she had on the 10th, much to our relief. She started consistently sleeping through the night, which allowed Phil and I to sleep. Things were improving.

The test results came back on the 12th, and I received a follow up call from Torvi’s vet. No parasites were found, which surprised me. We were to finish the course of antibiotics and continue the probiotics to support Torvi’s return to “normal.”

And then came the realization, thanks to Torvi’s health issues, that I had not processed or taken care of myself through the family health trials of the past couple of years. I persisted in working throughout. Though I was getting back to my creative pursuits, I was still burned out, and it was time to do something about it.

So, I made an appointment with my doctor, reached out to EAP, and started on my road. I had my first appointment on Friday, May 16th. She assigned me some reading/research on Internal Family Systems, I ordered some books and found some YouTube videos to watch.

At an ND coffee chat at work, someone shared this Substack: https://drdevonprice.substack.com/p/you-might-not-recover-from-burnout

Not gonna lie. It hit hard.

On May 20th, the Tuesday following the Victoria Day long weekend, I started a sick leave that will carry me through to the end of June. Putting my own mask on first.

On the 27th, I had my second session with EAP. Still getting stuff off my chest. My assignment before next session: get in touch with my emotions, ‘cause I’ve been repressing them too frickin’ long.

And now it’s time to move onto more pleasant topics, like the weird but ultimately lovely spring we’ve been having.

The weird part is that, despite the climate change thing, we actually had a winter this year and it held on long into spring. It’s really just been in the last couple of weeks that the plant world seems to have woken up. And now it’s playing catchup. HARD.

Usually, by the Victoria Day long weekend, the pin cherries and crab apples are in bloom, with lilacs in bud. We were about a week late this year, but in the last week of May, I gloried in the smells of the blossoms, and now that the lilacs were coming out, I celebrated by cutting a couple branches from the lilacs in my back yard and brought them in so I could revel in the smell even more.

I caught a spectacular halo around the sun while looking for the first sliver of the moon after the new.

Picture of a halo around the sun.

The Canada goslings are out! I walked a stretch of Lily/Junction Creek, and the families were everywhere. Every couple of metres, there was another gaggle, and because I was with Torvi, mom and dad swiftly ushered their goslings into the creek. But I caught one proud papa posturing before mama could do her duty.

Urban wildlife makes me furiously happy.

The month in writing

I finally finished revisions on the final chapter of Reality Bomb on May 4th (may the 4th be with you!), but now the draft had ballooned to 123,077 words (!)

It was time to start my cutting pass.

At the end of the month, I’d gone through 12 and a half chapters and cut 692 words. At this rate, I’ll have to get more severe if I want to get even close to a 110k draft.

I wrote a poem and made a couple of poetry submissions before the end of the month. I also started work on a CNF flash piece that I hope to submit somewhere as well.

I received some disappointing news on the 21st. My application to the Banff Science Fiction program was not successful. This is particularly sad given that I’d withdrawn or chosen not to apply for various opportunities to make financial room for this program. I do have some available spending room for other stuff, now, but I’m not jumping in immediately. I think a low-spending year might be a good change.

In writing business, the Writers’ Union of Canada’ pre-AGM meeting fell on the 22nd and the AGM itself on the 29th.

There was an SF Canada board meeting on the 26th. Efficient, friendly. Stuff got done.

Also on the 26th, I was advised of another literary festival’s impending demise. As the special virtual meeting for this won’t be held until June, I’ll wait to disclose details.

Filling the well

The month began with Beltaine (I spell it the way I spell it). I lit up my altar and thought about growing things.

The full flower moon in Scorpio was on the 12th.

The new willow moon in Gemini was on the 26th.

Picture of a crescent moon.

The orchid I thought would never recover bloomed!

Picture of an orchid blossom.

In terms of writing-related events, I attended “Writing the World We Need” with Dani Abernathy on the 2nd. Good affirmation of the need to embrace diversity in all its forms in our work.

On the 10th, Vera Constantineau and I gave our Mothers Day poetry reading at the Copper Cliff branch of the Greater Sudbury Public Library. It was a lovely, intimate affair.

I signed up for a Bianca Marais webinar, “Circling the Building of Your Work” on the 13th. An interesting approach.

The final Finnish class of the spring session was on the 5th. Feeling accomplished and improved. I continued to practice with Duolingo, Inside Finnish Life, and a handful of YouTube channels. A classmate offered the link to an app, which I haven’t tried yet.

On the 3rd, I attended a combined family birthday party. We hadn’t managed to get together for Easter, so it was a nice, relaxed night out at a favourite local restaurant, Ali Baba’s.

The May Good Company meeting was on the 28th. The topic this month was about co-occurring conditions. I didn’t think I had many of these, but I have insomnia, GERD, eczema, restless legs, and I had menorrhagia and dysmenorrhea, and anemia. Just because I haven’t had EDS, MCAS, ME/CFS, IBS, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, or other significant issues doesn’t mean I’ve escaped co-occurring conditions altogether.

I had two days off work at the beginning of the month and Victoria Day long weekend, both of which were much-needed though only somewhat restorative (see above). Then, I started my sick leave after the May long weekend.

What I’m watching and reading

My first watch of May was The Book Thief (Disney +). It’s the sweet but harrowing tale of Liesel, whose Communist mother, after the death of her husband and son, gives her daughter up for adoption. Death, the narrator of the tale, takes an interest in the illiterate girl who will become the book thief.

I finished watching the first season of Daredevil: Born Again (Disney +). I like that it’s more or less a continuation of the Netflix series. The same darkness, the same Catholic self-flagellation, and the same bloody violence. I wasn’t as impressed by all the decisions made. To tell you which ones would be spoilers. All this to say that this was a solid entry in Marvel Television. They’ve finally found their footing after a couple of years of WTF series (Secret Invasion, anyone?).

Then, I finished watching the first season of Watson (CBS). A year after Holmes and Moriarty seemingly die by plunging off Reichenback Falls, Dr. John Watson returns to Philadelphia with a traumatic brain injury (TBI) that he’s still recovering from to open the Holmes Clinic. He’s a geneticist and has assembled a team of highly skilled young doctors to help him solve impossible medical mysteries using the deductive reasoning techniques he learned from Holmes. He’s also attempting to reconnect to his estranged wife Mary even as she asks for a divorce. And before the first episode ends, there’s evidence that Moriarty did not die and has nefarious plans for Watson, his team, and their clinic. The first episode was a bit of a fire hose, but the series settled into a pattern after that and resolved Watson’s relationship woes after a couple more episodes, streamlining the season’s throughline. Medical mystery of the week complicated by Moriarty’s machinations. It’s been renewed for a second season. I’ll watch it.

Next was the third season of Will Trent (ABC). Everyone’s dealing with the fall out from last season. You know, Will arresting Angie? No sooner is that sorted out, when Will is traumatized by accidentally shooting a kid, “saves” Faith’s son, Jeremy, from a drug bust by saying he’s a confidential informant, which he must then become, and Ormewood finds out he has a brain tumour. Add to that a fraudulent and murderous cult, a childhood friend of Will’s who’s now a gang leader (and technically Jeremy’s “boss”), and you have a wild and entertaining season. There’s more, but this series is one of the best to come out of network TV. You should catch it.

I also finished the latest season (six, I think?) of The Rookie (ABC). Bailey is hunted by her recently-escaped criminal ex. Nyla and James are trying to balance her police work with his community activism. Tim and Lucy are trying to figure out what they are. There are two new rookies, one of whom is a problem. The usual assortment of crises abounds, and a few old enemies show up to make things interesting. I’ll keep watching.

Then, I finished watching the latest season of Grey’s Anatomy (ABC). Yes, I’m still watching 20 seasons on. The usual soap opera, ending with a literal blast.

Next, I watched the first season of X-Men ’97 (Disney +). The animation is a significant improvement over the original series, and I liked the stories better. I won’t say more, but if you’re a fan of the original or the comics, you’ll probably love X-Men ’97.

I finished season two of The Last of Us (HBO). This one’s rough. If you’ve played the game, you know what happens, and though I haven’t played the game, I had some spoilery insight from New Rockstars. Still, episode two hit hard, and the rest of the season dealt with the emotional fallout of those events. Bella Ramsey is STELLAR. The final episode ends on a cliffhanger before restarting the Seattle timeline, this time, from Abby’s perspective.

Next up was the final season of The Handmaid’s Tale (CTV Drama). I’m just going to spoil it all. You have been warned. June and Serena have a moment on a train, which June then shoves Serena and her baby Noah off, albeit to save their lives. June and Nicole reunite with June’s mother in Alaska. Serena, after a brief respite with a commune, is taken to New Jerusalem. June leaves Nicole in Alaska and hurls herself back into the fight. Their first target, Jezebel’s – to kill the commanders and free the former handmaids – is foiled by a weak-willed Nick, admittedly in a tough spot, who gives away the plot to save his own skin, resulting in the mass murder of all the girls but Janine at Jezebel’s. Reeling from the betrayal, June despairs, then rallies, deciding to infiltrate Serena’s upcoming wedding to kill the commanders and free the handmaids there. While this plot is more successful, the high commanders survive and June and Moira are caught with their group of handmaids, including Janine. They’re about to be executed when Luke and a bunch of Mayday resistance fighters open fire and American troops arrive. Serena, captured in the chaos, reveals where the high commanders plan to meet. June convinces Lawrence to plant a bomb on the high commander’s plane, but the other commanders arrive, and he must board. At the last minute, Nick arrives and boards the plane too. June watches as the plane ascends and then explodes. The last episode is slow and reflective. Janine is reunited with her daughter, Charlotte, Serena is sent to a refugee camp, June’s mom arrives with Nicole, and June and Luke go their separate ways, each determined to destroy what remains of Gilead and find Hannah. They promise to reunite in Colorado, where Hannah lives. There’s some Aunt Lydia action, and Emily returns in the final episode, so we get an update on her, too. And . . . of course, June begins to write a book about her experiences. I would have liked to see more of Moira, but the focus of the last episode was firmly on the white women. Here endeth the spoilers.

I watched Mickey 17 (Crave) over several sittings. Loved this absurdist sci-fi and its message that kindness and love will overcome fascism and cruelty every time.

Finally, I watched the latest series of Doctor Who (Disney +). Phil started watching it with me, but lost interest. Ncuti Gatwa hasn’t captured him, I guess. I thought the season was interesting and, in Russel T. Davies fashion, many of the disparate episodal stories all came together in the finale. The only spoiler I’ll offer: the next Doctor is being played by Billie Piper?!

 My first listen of the month was Japanese Fairy Tales, by Yei Theodora Ozaki. While there are some similarities to European fairy tales, most notably the tale of a princess, or hime, whose stepmother wishes to kill her (like Snow White), the tales are not often as cruel or bloody. Several of the villains renounce their evil ways. Many of the tales focus on animals as helpers, and some of the tales are bittersweet.

Then, I listened to Mary Robinette Kowal’s The Martian Contingency. I love these books so hard! The last novel in the series followed Nicole Wargin on the moon while Elma York, the Lady Astronaut, was on her way to Mars. Now, we return to Elma’s story on a second Mars mission where she and her fellow colo—sorry, inhabitants—are busy paving the way for the next wave of families from Earth. She had to stay in orbit with Stetson Parker on that first mission. This time, she gets to land and work with her husband, Nathaniel (!) Seriously, stable, loving relationships are at the heart of these books. And Kowal writes them so well! But soon, gaps in the first mission logs become apparent, and as Elma investigates, the mystery deepens until an equipment failure puts future landings in jeopardy. As the truth is unearthed, Elma learns the terrible secret of the first Mars mission and must bring her crew together as Martians to get Bradbury Base back on track before Mission Control pulls the plug on Mars altogether.

Next was Traditional Irish Fairy Tales by James Stephens. These are tales from the Fenian Cycle of Irish mythology framed by an attempt by Finnian, the Abbott of Moville, to convert Tuan mac Cairill to Christianity. Tuan recounts his origins and then launches into the tales of the Fenian Cycle. Very different from the other cultural tales I’ve read recently and very good.

Then, I finished the Tensorate Series by Neon Yang. This is a collection of Yang’s three novellas, The Black Tides of Heaven, The Red Threads of Fortune, and The Descent of Monsters, which focus on Akeha and Mokoya, the twin children of the Protector. The first novella is Akeha’s story, following them and their sibling Mokoya as they are sold to a monastery as part of a deal made before they were born, from childhood to adulthood, when Akeha makes the decision to support the Machinist rebels.

The second novella follows Mokoya, grievously injured in the climactic events of the first novella and still grieving the loss of her child. She was a prophet and lost that ability, as well. She runs from her grief by hunting naga (dragons) until she is forced to face it, and a huge naga that can tens.

The third novella is an epistolary one, told through journal entries and reports, redacted and whole. It covers an investigation into atrocities committed at a classified research facility that threaten to expose secrets the Protectorate wants to remain hidden.

While I enjoyed the first two novellas, the third was a little tedious, especially when it came to the redacted reports. I loved Yang’s worldbuilding, though. Every child gets to choose their own gender and is offered state-sponsored reassignment surgery provided by tensors. Magic is called tensing, its practitioners, tensors. And they have raptors as mounts and animal companions. Very cool.

I listened to a short audiobook, Listening to the Big Bang by Brian Greene. He covers the history of the big bang theory and all the physicists who contributed to it, opposed it, and where the theory stands today.

Next, I finished the romantasy The Twisted Throne by Danielle L. Jensen, book 5 in The Bridge Kingdom series. What is it with me and reading things out of order? Because Jensen focuses on a different character’s journey every couple books (so, it’s more like a series of interconnected duologies), I started at a good time.

Book 5 tells Ahnna’a story. She’s not only a princess of Ithacana and twin sister to it’s king, Ahren, but a soldier who put her life on the line for her people. The war left Ithacana impoverished, though, and Ahnna blames herself, so she willingly goes to Harendell when its king calls in the terms of a long-held agreement between the two kingdoms. Ahnna will be wed to King Edward’s son, William, who is an irresponsible spendthrift. Still, Ahnna needs Harendell’s wealth to feed her starving people. But the longer she stays in Harendell, the more political intrigue she uncovers, and the closer she gets to the wrong prince.

Then, I listened to Great Heroes and Heroines of Hawaiian Heritage by Leilani Basham, another Great Courses and Audible Originals collaboration. Basham covers some of the key figures, men and women, of Hawaiian history from the 19th and 20th centuries and how the colonization of Hawaii was and is still being resisted and shaped by its Indigenous people. This tragically familiar history hits all the marks, from cultural genocide to the recovery of the Hawaiian language and culture. Existence is resistance.

And that was the month in this writer’s life.

Until next month, be well and stay safe; be kind and stay strong. The world needs your stories!

The next chapter: A month in the writerly life. https://melaniemarttila.ca

I acknowledge with respect that I am in Robinson-Huron Treaty territory, that the land from which I write is the traditional territory of the Anishinaabe and home of Atikameksheng Anishnawbek and Wahnapitae First Nation.

The next chapter: March 2025 update

/ Melanie Marttila

The sh*t has officially hit the fan.

Picture of a dynamic winter sunset.

Life in general

Tariffs in March! And now April! 25%! Make that 50%! No! 250%! I’m trying not to get drawn into the black hole-like news cycle, but it’s hard. It’s everywhere on every social media feed, on the radio, on the television. I’m trying to engage selectively and still respect my need not to be completely dysregulated by trashfire 2025. It’s a challenging balance to strike.

Interestingly Premiere Ford got Trump to back down after imposing counter tariffs on energy supply. I can’t keep up. Then again, I really don’t want to.

But Phil keeps me informed.

There are signs things might be imploding, thanks to brave journalists and grass-roots resistance, and interesting statements coming from behind party lines saying the Orange Menace is “off book.”

The Canadian armed forces are running exercises and one of Trudeau’s last acts as Prime Minister was to commission new warships to be built, providing a domestic market for our steel. Will it be enough to replace what will be lost to the tariff war? Probably not, but it will be enough to keep people working.

Mark Carney became our new Prime Minister on the 14th and immediately repealed the carbon tax, essentially removing Pollievre’s main campaign platform. He’s also strengthening ties with the EU.

And now a federal election is being called. Things are moving so fast.

Daylight saving time arrived and, as per usual, my body’s still living on standard time. I’m messed up for at least 2 weeks. EVERY. GD. TIME.

DST Princess Bride meme
My favourite DST/Princess Bride meme.

But shit at work is getting done. I’m just trying to get one thing done at a time, move onto the next thing, and not freak out. This too, is hard.

The month in writing

I finished this draft of Reality Bomb on March 2nd! Cue the Snoopy happy dance/flailing Kermit arms/what have you. But the draft now stands at 122,616 words. It’s a step up (or down, depending on your perspective) from the 124,527 words the last draft was, but it’s still too big. So, there’s more work in my future. There always is.

My final meeting with Suzy was on the 6th. I’d had a dysregulating day at work and was open about it. Still the meeting got me focusing on my work-in-progress and not the umpteen-million things waiting to be done at work. So, it was good.

Now to take a break from RB proper, I’m turning to my query and synopsis. I’ll use those to guide my next passes. I want to cut back to 110k, if not 100k, though I doubt I’ll be able to manage the latter. We’ll see.

I’m writing poetry here and there as well.

Definitely emerging from my winter cave.

Got a poetry reading together with another local poet, Vera Constantineau at the South End branch of the Greater Sudbury Public Library on April 12th at 2 pm.

Poster for a poetry reading with Vera Constantineau and Melanie Marttila at the Greater Sudbury Public Library South End branch April 12, 2025 at 2 pm.

Reached out to another local author about informal mentoring. Will connect with her sometime in April as well.

Finally, I’m starting to write reviews. My first one, on Lisa Timpf’s Cats and Dogs in Space, went up on Amazing Stories online on March 24th.

In writerly business, the first SF Canada quarterly board meeting of 2025 was on the 31st.

Filling the well

The full suckerfish moon in Virgo and blood moon eclipse was on the 14th. I didn’t stay up late enough to see the eclipse but did a guided meditation.

Spring arrived on the 20th. Lit up my altar and thought about the snow melting.

And the new ash moon and partial solar eclipse in Aries was on the 29th. Did another short, guided meditation.

I’ve been playing hide and seek with the moon, lately. If it hasn’t been completely overcast, what clouds there are make the lady hard to find. Often, I can’t get a good view until after dark and I still can’t take a decent nighttime photo with my phone to save my life. I hope things will improve now that the season is changing.

In writerly events, I attended Navigating Publishing Today with Mark Leslie Lefebvre and Suzy Vadori on the 7th. It was a fabulous session that became a fabulous Show, Don’t Tell podcast episode!

Later that same day, I attended a Canada Council for the Arts information session about updates to their programming and submissions system. The changes won’t be taking place until the summer, but things look promising.

The Canada Council annual public meeting was on the 19th.

The first three of four webinars in Cece Lyra’s Starting it Right series were on the 20th, the 27th, and the 30th. If you’ve ever signed up for a Cece Lyra webinar, you know it’s going long. She’s so passionate about writing.

Spring Finnish classes started up on the 17th and will continue for 8 weeks, as per usual. Again, I’m showing improvement.

On the 21st, I attended an Authors Publish webinar on how to get your manuscript submission-ready with Alexandra Leggat.

I attended an information session of the Canada Council’s new Artistic Creation grants on the 26th.

My support group met on the 26th to discuss work-specific accommodations.

I had another blissful week off work from the 17th to the 21st.

What I’m watching and reading

I watched the first season of Cross (Prime). A compelling arc in which Alex Cross deals with the trauma of his wife’s death, tries to protect his family from a stalker, and hunts down a serial killer who modifies his victims to look like famous serial killers of the past. It’s all kinds of creepy, but very good.

Then, I finished watching before (Apple TV +). This psychological horror wasn’t really my cuppa. Billy Crystal plays a child psychologist about to retire after his wife commits suicide (before cancer can do the job). A young boy inexplicably wanders into his house, and he feels an immediate connection. When he later meets the boy at the hospital, he decides to take on one last case. It could be a complex case of transference and countertransference, or there could be something supernatural happening. The ending is ambiguous.

Phil and I finished watching the latest season of Invincible (Prime). Mark deals with having a little brother, but unlike Dawn in Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Oliver has superpowers too, and they manifest while he’s still a kid. It makes things challenging for Debbie, who’s trying to move on from Nolan. Speaking of whom, Allen finally convinces Nolan to break out of the Viltrumite gulag he’s in, but that’s the last we see of him for the season, though he drops a juicy bomb on Allen before their last scene ends. Mark is also trying to deal with the fallout from Angstrom Leavy, whom he thinks he killed. A whole passel of Invincibles from other worlds invade, and then Conquest arrives from Viltrum and kills . . . lots of people. There’s more, but I’ll just leave you with that taste. It’s as bloody as ever, and the last episode sets up at least four major threats for season four.

Next, I watched The Wild Robot (Prime). I laughed. I cried. I did not pee my pants. I swear. A service robot ends up on an uninhabited (by humans) island and tries to fulfill its mission. Seriously, my heart, y’all. Now I shall have to read the book. Watch it! It’s awesome! And just what you need to defrag your hard drive of all the bullshittery happening in the world.

Then, Phil and I watched the end of Silo, season two (Apple TV +). Phil didn’t watch season one with me, and I found it kind of weird when he decided he liked the series partway through season two. It was so good, though. Juliette survives cleaning thanks to her friends in supply and makes her way through a field of corpses to the next silo, which appears to be abandoned and flooded. Back at the original silo, Bernard prepares for the inevitable crisis that follows a survived cleaning. Juliette solves mysteries at the new silo while Bernard recruits Kyle to solve mysteries in the old, while mechanical foments rebellion. The final flashback scene is cryptic, but I’m looking forward to what the next season brings. I’ve only read the first book in the series, so I have some catching up to do.

I also finished the first season of Your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man (Disney +). Love the opening with the updated version of the classic 70s Spiderman theme. Almost every character has comics significance and the potential to become a superhero in their own rights. Dr. Connor’s is a woman of colour! It’s also, clearly, a multiverse story. *Mild Spoilers* Ben is not dead, but in prison. There is no Mary-Jane Watson (yet?). Peter’s origin story is original and circular (the events of the first and last episodes converge). So much fun!

Next, I finished watching Interior Chinatown (Disney +). Based on the novel of the same name by Charles Yu. It’s better if you think of it as INT. CHINATOWN. Like a screenplay because that’s very much the way this series is presented. Very meta. Willis Wu works as a waiter in his family’s restaurant, but years ago, his brother disappeared, and he’s been worrying at the mystery ever since. He inserts himself into the police department by delivering takeout, moves through tech guy and translator roles until he’s a detective and reopens his brother’s cold case.

Phil caught part of a few episodes and asked, “Is it intentional, or is this show badly written?” And I forgave him because he didn’t get the premise. I can’t explain things more here without getting all kinds of spoilery. The concept is that intertwined with the story. But the show is worth the initial confusion and clichéd dialogue. Trust me. There’s a moment when you say to yourself, oh . . . so that’s what he’s doing. I recently listened to an interview with Yu on the Our Opinions Are Correct podcast. That’s worth a listen, too.

Then, I finished watching season 2 of The Irrational (CityTV). It remains an interesting twist on the police procedural, focusing on psychologist Alex Mercer and his team of graduate assistants. Sometimes they help the police. Often, they help the FBI or rely on their resources because Alex has an in through his ex-wife Marissa. This season, they were even called in to help NASA. And Alex’s new girlfriend, Rose, is former MI-6 and a professional “fixer.” It’s an intriguing mix of characters and relationships that keeps the mysteries they solve feeling fresh.

Finally, I watched Wicked (Prime) over two nights for spoons reasons. Not having read the book (though I have it . . . somewhere in my TBR pile) or seen the play, I had nothing to compare it to and thoroughly enjoyed it, despite not being terribly fond of musicals. I loved the animal justice subplot. And I will now have to find the novel and move it up in the pile.

My first read of March 2025 was Zen Cho’s Sorcerer to the Crown. This was a delightful alternate historical fantasy. It feels regency, but there are mentions of Napoleon still being in power in France, so Napoleonic? Zacharias Wythe is the new Sorcerer Royal, after his guardian, the previous Sorcerer Royal, dies under mysterious circumstances. Because he’s also an emancipated slave and person of colour, the rest of the Society of Unnatural Philosophers want to find a way to oust him, but Zacharias’ position is dependent upon the acceptance of the previous Sorcerer Royal’s staff and familiar, both of which he has, though no one can claim to have seen the latter . . .

But Zacharias has a mystery to solve, that of Britain’s decreased magic levels, and he is inveighed upon by a friend to deliver a tedious lecture to a witch’s school on the way. At the school, Zacharias sees the horrid way in which women with magical ability are treated, and he meets Prunella Gentleman, a young woman of colour and of most startling ability. Together, they embark upon a mission to change magical education in Britain—and the rest of the world—forever. Chef’s kiss!

Then, I read The Complete and Original Norwegian Folktales of Asbjørnsen and Moe, translated by Tiina Nunnally. Yes, there’s a forward by a certain fantasy author, currently accused of SA, but I glossed over that, disinterested in finding anything useful or clever there. The translator included Asbjørnsen and Moe’s notes, and they were far more entertaining.

These folktales unsurprisingly feature trolls as the main antagonists, often with multiple (5, 10, 15 or 3, 6, 9) heads. Ashlad is frequently the clever young hero, but young girls are also clever heroines. There are talking animals who often beg to be killed (beheaded, these tales are fond of beheading) and assist the protagonist beyond their apparent deaths and sometimes transform into princes after the fact. There are several tales in which the protagonist is forbidden to look into rooms in their guardians’ homes, but that’s where the similarly to Bluebeard ends. Enjoyed this collection quite a bit.

Next, I read Rogue Protocol by Martha Wells, the third Murderbot novella. Murderbot is on its own and gets roped into protecting another band of hapless humans from GrayCris Corp. And they have their own bot, Miki, who is irritating to no end. Murderbot just wants to watch some quality series . . . Excellent!

Then, I read the follow-up to Sorcerer to the Crown, The True Queen by Zen Cho. Muna and Sakti awaken in the surf of Janda Baik, Malaysia with no memory of who they are except that they must be sisters. But they have been cursed and must travel to distant Britain, where Crown Sorceress (minor spoilers for book 1—sorry, not sorry) Prunella Wythe has established a school for young sorceresses. When Sakti is abducted on their way to Britain through the unseen world, though, Muna must try to rescue her sister even though she has no magic. Queer romance abounds. Loved, if possible, even more than book 1!

Then, I listened to the very short audiobook of Cajun Folklore by J.J. Reneaux. Lots of clever characters in these tales. Enjoyed.

I listened to Cat o’ Nine Tales: The Jane Yellowrock Stories by Faith Hunter. It was my first dip into Jane Yellowrock, though these novels have been on my radar for years . . . I’m kind of embarrassed. Jane is a Cherokee woman and skinwalker, bonded to the spirit of Beast, a mountain lion, after an accident involving black magic when she was a child. She’s primarily a vampire hunter but branches out to any supernatural threat. These stories fit in between Hunter’s novels and provide an entertaining and bloody overview of Jane’s adventures and entanglements. Thoroughly enjoyed.

Next, I listened (can you tell most of this was during my week off when listening is the most I can be arsed to do) to the super-short, incredibly hilarious, but still informative Audible Original How to Survive Menopause by Samantha Bee. Basically, a stand-up set, but everything you need to hear if you have ovaries.

Then, I listened to Amal El-Mohtar’s The River Has Roots. This retelling of the Bonny Swans has it all. Grammar as music as magic. A sentient river. Two ancient willows at the edge of the fairy realm. Two sisters whose love defies death. There are several significant departures from the folktale/song it’s based on, but to explain more than I already have will spoil this truly lovely story. It is gentle and kind and everything we need right now. Amazing. LOVED!

My last listen during my week off was The Abolitionists, an Audible Original/The Great Courses collaboration with Professor Kellie Carter Jackson. She covers the origins of the movement, Harper’s Ferry, the civil war, and the underground railroad. Excellent.

Finally, I finished On Writing and Worldbuilding, Volume 1 by Tim Hickson. I’ve been a fan of his YouTube channel, Hello, Future Me for years now, and finally bought all three of his W&W books (to date). They’re based on the craft advice he shares on his channel. I like his philosophy of writing, and I enjoyed the book. It’s now on my craft writing shelf.

And that was the month in this writer’s life.

Until next month, be well and stay safe; be kind and stay strong. The world needs your stories!

I acknowledge with respect that I am in Robinson-Huron Treaty territory, that the land from which I write is the traditional territory of the Anishinaabe and home of Atikameksheng Anishnawbek and Wahnapitae First Nation.

The next chapter: A month in the writerly life. https://melaniemarttila.ca