I just may be more burnt out than I thought I was.

Life in general

Though I knew I needed to rest during my six-week leave with income averaging (LIA), I thought it would only take a few days and then I’d be ready to hit the ground running with some planned activities.

I was hoping to:

• Recover my garden from two years of neglect and three of minimal effort before that.
• Paint the outside door (to match the other that has been painted for, like seven years now?).
• Give the house a thorough cleaning.
• Rearrange my office.

But the most I was able to accomplish in May was to repot some plants and get my bird feeders and bird bath set up. I bought the paint for the door, but never got around to the repainting.

Also, I was still seeing signs that I was dysregulated. Stumbling around and bumping into things; forgetting that I had something in my hands (like a freshly-emptied incense holder) and carrying it with my into another room only to realize I had it in my hand, putting it back, and forgetting why I was walking into another room; forgetting my meds; forgetting components of my rituals. And the list goes on.

As a result, I thought I’d let my recovery process guide me until after the Stillwater Writing Retreat (see below) on the second weekend of June. The retreat itself would be a bit of a reset with minimal/no access to social media, streaming, and my favourite time-waster game.

No revenge procrastination (though there’s no longer anything to revenge?) for two days. I was hoping that might help to reset my internal clock.

Since the onset of my LIA, I’d been routinely staying up until 1:30 or 2 am and sleeping in to compensate the next day. In June, that naturally started to sort itself out and I was getting to bed at midnight or 12:30 am.

I did get to bed earlier at the retreat, but it was only two days and as soon as I was back home, established habits took hold. I slowly came to the realization that I may not get many (or any) of my big goals completed during this leave.

And then a heatwave arrived. In a house with no central air, it was a miserable few days.

Just focused on recovery. And revision/writing.

But … I seem to have recovered from my sinusitis (at last). The third course of antibiotics was finished the day I left for the Stillwater Retreat. And I decided to discontinue both the antihistamines and the neti pot while I was away. I would have been too much to manage while travelling.

I resumed the neti pot when I returned but stopped it again after another week. I never got used to the sensory ick of it. Yes, it was effective in clearing out my sinuses, but my eyes watered, I drooled (!), and I sneezed multiple times during each session. Even if the water was cool, the saline solution felt like it was burning my nasal passages. Thoroughly unpleasant.

I am keeping the neti pot and remaining saline solution sachets as well as the remaining month of antihistamines in case the seasonal allergies return in the fall. A few days of discomfort is worth fending off another bout of sinusitis.

And I have a follow up appointment with my doctor on July 2^nd. We’ll see what he says.

The month in writing

The month was devoted to continuing revisions/rewriting of the third act of Reality Bomb, as well as the work I committed to when I enrolled in Ariel Gordon’s workshop.

A gentle reminder that I’ve stopped sharing screenshots of my Excel writing and revision tracker because I’ve stopped setting goals in it. It’s purely the tracking of the writing and revision I accomplish within the given months and year. And I’m not tracking RB at all. At this point there’s more rewriting going on with that project than straight revision, and it’s had to compare previous drafts with this one, particularly when I’m combining bits of what were separate chapters in the last draft and then shifting bits around so that none of it even vaguely resembles what went before.

It’s actually made writing and revision easier. I don’t feel the pressure of not meeting a particular goal. I used to revise my goals multiple times a year because I wasn’t “up to par,” which is ridiculous. I’m feeling better about my writing and revision progress now. I’m flowing with highs and lows of my energy. I do what I can, when I can, with the energy I have, and it is enough. So am I 🙂

June 6^th was a good news day. First, my poem, “Vasilisa,” was published in Polar Borealis 30.

Then, I received an email that work was proceeding on the anthology that one of my stories was accepted for last year (!). I can’t talk about it now, but I’ll share what I can, when I can.

On the 13^th, I received an email from a reader telling me how much they appreciated “The Art of Floating.” It warms an author’s heart to know that they’ve touched someone with their words.

On the 14^th, The Temz Review released this thoughtful and thorough review of The Art of Floating. It gave me all the feels. But mostly gratitude.

Then, of the 15^th, Trish Talks Books posted this lovely review on Instagram.

On the 18^th, I received the notification that my reading fee and travel reimbursement for the Conspiracy of 3 reading last month would be deposited by the end of the week.

I only had one meeting with Suzy this month because I had to work around the Stillwater Retreat (see below). We met on the 20^th. It was a good meeting. I’m still getting many of the same comments, but I’m anticipating them now, and I have a better idea of the revision I need to complete after each session. We’re moving on to the climax. The end is in sight. Exciting!

On the 21^st, I received notification that I have been accepted as an Access Copyright Affiliate.

And then, on the 28^th, The Wordstock Sudbury literary festival announced its lineup for this year’s festival, including me (!), Kim Fahner, Ariel Gordon, Danielle Daniel, Drew Hayden Taylor, Hollay Ghadery, and more! So honoured to be included in this stellar 11^th edition of Wordstock! Here is the article by Heidi Ulrichsen for Sudbury.com, and the Sudbury Star’s coverage.

In the area of the business of writing, the League of Canadian Poets (LCP) town hall was on the 18^th and their AGM was on the 25^th.

In between, on the 23^rd was the an SF Canada Board meeting.

And the Canadian Authors Association AGM was on the 29^th.

I am definitely AGM’d out!

Filling the well

The new Hawthorn moon in Gemini was on the 6^th. It was not only overcast but raining as well.

The summer solstice was on the 20^th this year. The heatwave we’d been suffering through all week finally broke. It was still hot, but overcast (surprise, surprise!). I lit my altar and followed a guided meditation.

And the full Strawberry moon in Capricorn was on the 21^st. Another overcast day.

My intention was to keep my learning light this month and I think I managed it, despite myself.

I registered for the virtual Nebula conference and awards weekend from June 6 to 8, but then (and this is just one of the many symptoms of my ongoing dysregulation) I signed up for Lauren Carter’s Stillwater Retreat from June 7 to 9. Fortunately, I was able to catch the virtual sessions in replay.

ICYMI, here was my post about the Stillwater Retreat.

The second session of Ariel Gordon’s Dispatches from the World workshop was on the 11^th and the third and final session was on the 25^th. I wrote 2 poems for the 11^th, which I revised into 1, and then I wrote and revised a creative non-fiction piece for the 25^th. 

The next Free Expressions webinar I signed up for was Fate vs. Destiny with Donald Maass on the 13^th. Interesting and thought-provoking, as usual.

And on the 17^th, I virtually attended Imagining the Future We Want to Live In at the Sudbury Indie Cinema. I had intended to go in person but, at the last minute, I noticed that the event would be livecast on Facebook, and I attended that way. Minding my spoons 🙂

The Locus Awards weekend started on the 19^th and went through until the 22^nd. I caught several readings and the awards ceremony on zoom or Youtube and hope to catch the rest on replay.

Finally, I registered for a webinar on “Writing and Pitching your Hybrid Memoir” with Courtney Maum (!) through Jane Friedman on the 26^th. I wasn’t back from walking Torvi in time, so I watched the replay when it was released. As I continue to toy with the idea of a hybrid memoir, this course was invaluable.

In personal care, I had a support group meeting on the 12^th. The topic was emotional regulation, and it was a good session, though the last until September.

I took Torvi for a Furminator groom on the 21^st. This was her second with the happy hoodie. She’s still stressed but I like to think the happy hoodie helped.

On the 27^th, my mom’s sister and her daughter came to visit. Phil made a lovely bruschetta and salad, and Mom cooked a frittata. We hadn’t seen each other is years, and it was nice.

What I’m watching and reading

I watched the first season of Hazbin Hotel (Amazon). Charlie Morningstar, daughter of Lucifer and Lilith, has opened the titular hotel in hell with an eye to rehabilitating sinners and getting them into heaven. At the same time Adam (yes, that Adam) and his inquisitors (essentially Valkyries) are increasing the frequency of their culls (read massacres) of hell’s denizens from annually to every six months. Every episode features several musical numbers, so be aware of that, or skip if that’s not your jam, but the performances are quite good. Intended for adults.

Then, I finished watching The Second-Best Hospital in the Galaxy (Amazon), about two alien doctors, Klak and Sleech, who incite all kinds of medical and relationship hijinks while trying to protect the secret of a parasitic lifeform that eats its host’s anxiety…until it departs explosively, killing the host. Very fun, very adult.

Next, I watched Chevalier (Disney +). The movie focuses on Joseph de Boulogne’s attempt to run the Paris Opera House, a position that was chosen by a royal counsel. Though he was an accomplished composer, because he was the son of a slave woman, Boulogne was prevented from taking the position. The end of the movie predicts the next phase of his life in which he fought on the side of the Revolution. Very good.

Phil and I watched the most recent season/series of Doctor Who (Disney +) with Ncuti Gatwa. Phil wasn’t that enamoured, but I enjoyed it overall. There was a little unevenness in the season, but it came together in the end.

And I finished watching the final season of The Crown (Netflix). It focused on the events leading up to Diana’s death through to the marriage of Charles and Camilla. Overall, I think the series was an interesting interpretation of Queen Elizabeth II’s reign, though they declined to carry the story through to her death, which may have been a more complete rendering of events. I’m sure they wondered how to address the later scandals of the Royal Family and how to make the last years of Elizabeth’s reign dynamic as health concerns kept both her and Phillip more and more secluded until their respective deaths.

I watched the second season of Fraggle Rock: Back to the Rock (Apple TV). Yes, this is a kids’ show, but it’s rich with nostalgia for me. This season focused on the gardening crisis of the gorgs obsession with strawberries and use of chemicals to increase the size of their yield, leading to the disappearance of the radishes and the depletion of the soil. Meanwhile the human doctoral student is trying to perfect her floating wind turbine design. And yes, the series is a little heavy-handed on the moral lesson side, and events can seem either contrived or completely random, but everything comes together at the end. This won’t be everyone’s cuppa, but I love me some Muppets.

I also watched Iwájú (Disney +). It was a lovely fable set in a future Lagos. Tole is a child whose father is a busy inventor. He cannot spend time with her because of work pressures, though his primary goal is to create a robot lizard to protect Tole because children have been disappearing in nearby Lagos. Sadly, the robot isn’t working properly.

Tole and her friend Cole decide to take a trip to Lagos, Tole with the goal of proving to her father that she is a big girl, and Cole with the goal of turning Tole over to the man who’s been abducting children in order to secure care for his sick mother. Because this is a kids’ show, all works out in the end. It was an enjoyable, if short, series.

Finally, I watched Interview with the Vampire, Part II (AMC). Sadly, I missed the first season and since AMC wants viewers to subscribe to AMC + to see it, I missed out. But I now understand why everyone is raving about this series. It’s really good.

A note on the month in reading before I get to the books. Had intended to make time to continue reading my print and ebooks during my leave but ultimately did not. My recovery took precedence. So, all of these books are audiobooks.

My first read of the month was Tomorrow’s Kin, the first novel in Nancy Kress’s Yesterday’s Kin series. I read this series out of order and my head didn’t explode 🙂 In this novel, we’re introduced to Maryanne Jenner, her three children, and the complicated series of events around the Worlders first visit to Earth. But that’s all over by the midpoint of the book, when Noah departs with the World ship. The rest of the novel addresses the fallout of the spore cloud and its effects on the ecosystem (it kills almost all mice and so disrupts prey and predator populations as well as agriculture and the economy, also, Russian and east Asian populations prove not to be immune, also, also, it alters the genome of fetuses making a generation of super-hearer kids, of whom Colin, one of Maryanne’s grandchildren, is one). This novel focuses on the science and the billionaires competing to build the first starship based on the plans the Worlders left behind. Like I said last month, an interesting series.

Then, I read The Men of the Otherworld, by Kelley Armstrong. This collection of linked short stories focuses on Clay and Jeremy. It was nice to get some backstory and context for the werewolf men.

Next, I read Oathbreakers, the second in the Vows and Honor series by Mercedes Lackey. Tarma and Kethry, still intent on earning enough money to open their own schools of battle and wizardry, respectively, join a mercenary company. When their leader disappears, they depart to investigate and enter a world of regal intrigue. There’s still one more book in the series, so I anticipate there will be more adventures in store.

I read Long Hot Summoning by Tanya Huff. It’s the third in her Keeper series (another disordered read—what’s going on?). Diana has graduated high school and finally come into her power as a Keeper. Her first summons? A mall in Kingston in the process of succumbing to the other side. And hell is trying to get a foothold in the real world. Her older sister, Clair, is away on a summoning of her own and Diana dived in, eager to prove herself. Entertaining.

Then, I took a brief break from fiction with The History and Enduring Popularity of Astrology by Katherine Walker. It’s a The Great Courses course converted into an Audible Original. Interesting insight into an art I’ve always dabbled in.

Next, I read Rollback by Robert J. Sawyer. Dr. Sarah Halifax, a preeminent SETI researcher, is in her eighties when the response to a message she sent to an alien civilization arrives. A billionaire benefactor steps in, offering Sarah the titular procedure, which will reset her body to its biological age when she was 25 and enable her to remain alive long enough to continue the conversation with the aliens, the one-way transmission of which takes 18 years. She agrees, her only condition that her husband Don receives the treatment as well. In a cruel twist, the procedure works on Don but not on Sarah. She must duplicate the decoding miracle that she accomplished nearly forty years ago, while Don comes to terms with his restored youth and the inevitability of losing the love of his life.

I listened to Habits for Good Sleep by Timothy J. Sharp, an Audible Original. Nothing new or startling, but a lot of good advice that I could stand to hear again.

My last read/listen of the month was another classic, Jules Verne’s 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. This novel seemed to be a response to Melville’s Moby Dick, starting with the narrator, a French naturalist, his servant, and a Canadian harpooner boarding The Lincoln in search of a mysterious sea monster, responsible for the sinking of several ships.

The sea monster comes for The Lincoln, and the narrator and his two companions are thrown overboard, only to be brought on board The Nautilus (AKA the sea monster) by Captain Nemo. From there, Nemo declares that they may never leave his ship, and they embark on the titular adventure. The novel shares many of the conceits with Melville’s, including long digressions into the nature and function of The Nautilus, the various sea life the narrator documents in his travels, the occasional people they meet (Nemo is a misanthrope), and the details of their navigational journey. It was okay.

And that was the month in this writer’s life.

Until next month, be well and stay safe; be kind and stay strong. The world needs your stories!