Tolerating ambiguity. It’s harder than it looks.
Life in general
I’m doing what I can to manage dysregulation and my health in light of the political shenanigans taking place here in Canada as well as south of the border.
We got a reprieve on the tariff situation, then tariffs were imposed on steel and aluminum. On top of the general tariff on all Canadian imports to take effect next month. Our government continues to try to mount a defense.
From The Skimm Daily (week of Feb 17):
“Of Trump’s 75 (and counting) [executive orders], 17 overhaul foreign policy, shifting US stances on Russia, Ukraine, and Gaza. [14] target immigration, fueling his mass deportation blitz. He’s also trying to end birthright citizenship, gut federal agencies, and is going after gender-affirming care and DEI . . . All while the new DOGE office slashes budgets (saying “you’re fired” to everyone from park rangers to nuclear weapons workers). Oh, and Trump’s been actively trolling Canada . . . . The courts seem to be the only guardrail checking his power, with more than 70 lawsuits already in motion — some making their way to the Supreme Court. But the (somehow very real) question remains: Will Trump’s team simply ignore the rulings?”
The orange menace is taking all the pages from the dictator’s playbook. And doing everything he can to serve up the Ukraine to Putin while taking Gaza for his latest high-end development. It’s all kinds of batshit.
Getting back to the phrase at the top of the post. Some of you may recognize it from various job descriptions. Tolerating ambiguity is a catch-all phrase meaning you gotta shut up and put up with ALL. THE. BULLSHIT. From everyone. All the time.
So, we’re all tolerating ambiguity these days.
It’s hard to know how to fight against a madman but fight we must.
And with a record low voter turnout (about 20% in Sudbury—WTF?), Ontario handed Ford another majority. Yeah, he’s hot to fight Trump (whom he formerly adored), but he’s tanked our health care system and our education system and done a whole bunch of other despicable things. The future isn’t looking so bright.
I’m (trying) to tolerate a lot of ambiguity at work right now, too, and feeling dysregulated every other day it seems. I try to listen to my body and my brain, but I can’t take a day to regulate and level out as often as I seem to need to.
And I just read an article that says to recover an hour of sleep debt, you have to get a full night’s sleep (!). That means that I’m running on a deficit of three night’s sleep for every full work week. Gah! The weekend never feels like it’s enough time off. Now I know why!
The month in writing
I was still trying to finish Reality Bomb. So close!
Will take a break after I finish next month to write the query and synopsis and then embark on a listening pass to see how many words I can trim.
At the same time, I started research on the period between the two world wars, the temporal setting for Alice in Thunderland. Most of the books were available through either the Greater Sudbury Public Library (GSPL) or the J.N. Desmarais Library at Laurentian University. I found a couple of YouTube channels to watch/listen to as well.
I sent in the first 10 pages of RB along with a semi-query and comps to Cece Lyra for her upcoming Start It Right webinar. She may critique my pages live in her webinar. I’m sure I’ll get some solid feedback, one way or the other.
Suzy got back to me. Turns out she was just insanely busy. Our first meeting of 2025 was on the 20th. And it was great. It’s not like there weren’t issues, but I’m improving. One more session to go!
Aaannnd . . . I may be on a certain book coach’s podcast in the future! Stay tuned 🙂
On the 22nd, I was informed that “The Beekeeper,” my story in Through the Portal, has been nominated for ECO24: The Year’s Best Speculative Ecofiction. I already submitted to the Aurora Awards and The Year’s Best Canadian Fantasy and Science Fiction last month. We’ll see if anything comes of it.
On the 23rd, I saw this lovely review of Through the Portal by Lorina Stephens for On Spec.
I received notification of my Public Lending Right payment. Woohoo! And not in a facetious way. People took The Art of Floating out of the library last year! Thank you, thank you, thank you!
But I also received notification that I was not awarded two of the three grants I applied for. I hope that means I’m still in the running for the third. Everything crossed! And yeah, that’s as painful as you might imagine.
Filling the well
The month started with Imbolc, and I put together a poetry reading covering the winter months for the still somewhat bleak midwinter.
I also lit my altar and did a guided meditation. I’ve discovered that I can only do a guided meditation, or something similar, in which I have something to focus on besides my thoughts. As an autistic prone to rumination, if I give my thoughts any opportunity, they take control and the meditation is over. The thoughts I tend to ruminate on are inevitably dark.
The full bear moon in Leo was on the 12th. The night was overcast. I did another guided meditation.
Moon pictures have been disappointing lately, all smudgy and out of focus. But I did take a couple of decent pictures of the creek. The ducks were visiting in the second one.


I tried to get some decent photos, but it’s been cold out and I haven’t been able to focus my phone camera properly.
The new rowan moon in Pisces was on the 27th. I did another guided meditation.
On the 4th, I attended a Clarion/Grist webinar on climate fiction with Annalee Newitz and Omar El Akkad. Interesting insights into climate fiction. And I always love Annalee’s presentations.
On the 5th, I attended a virtual talk, “We can’t teach a book with that word in it,” with Lawrence Hill and Debra Thompson. A discussion of banned books and the responsibility of teachers and professors to their students. Excellent.
And I signed up for another Tiffany Yates Martin webinar offered by Jane Friedman on January 29th. Because spoons, I watched the replay on the 7th. Excellent webinar with great resources.
In terms of physical/mental health and self-care, I took the first week of the month off to rest and recover. And get some tasks done. Tax prep, filing, unearthing all my journals, and cleaning my office. I got everything done but the cleaning.
I had a massage appointment on the 12th. I love my massage therapist!
My (currently) bi-annual mammogram was on the 13th.
Also on the 13th, I attended another RBC Patients and Family Learning Space webinar about insomnia. Interesting, but I am doing (or try to do) most of what they suggest.
And my support group meeting was on the 26th. This month’s topic was self-advocacy and accommodation.
What I’m watching and reading
Another series dropped off my watch list. I decided to try Psych (Netflix) after watching Talis Adler’s (Talis the Introvert) impassioned video essay in which she made the case that Psych was the best Sherlock Holmes adaptation ever made. I gave it a whole season, but I never got into it. A solid meh. Sorry Talis.
The first series I finished watching in February was the second season of Shrinking (Apple TV +). Honestly, it was better than the first. I won’t say much about it because I want y’all to check it out if you can.
I was watching the rest of Outlander season 7 (Amazon/Stack TV) but Stack’s licensing for the series lapsed before I could get there. Again. Season 8 is supposed to be the last, even though they haven’t caught up with the novels yet (strictly speaking). They’re compressing events and inserting them where is makes sense, but because I rely on the books for the actual story (love you, Diana!), the series can feel both action-packed and hurtling toward its conclusion.
I loved what I saw but decided that another streaming service was not in the budget. We’ll be deactivating Stack TV soonish as they’ve raised their subscription fee. Just one more series to finish first.
Then, I finished watching the first season of High Potential (CTV). Morgan is a high potential intellectual and mother of three who works as a nighttime cleaner for the LAPD. One night, she changes a murder board, and her life, forever. When called to the carpet for her vandalism, Morgan explains her reasoning and helps detective Karadec solve the murder. Selena, head of the major crimes division, offers Morgan a job as a consultant. Morgan initially refuses but then accepts on the condition that Selena help find her first husband who disappeared 15 years ago. Think of Morgan as the Erin Brockovich of the LAPD. Fun.
Next, I watched the first season of Interview with the Vampire. CTV SciFi aired it, and I’m glad I caught it. I really enjoyed the second season, and now I have the context to appreciate it even more. A most excellent re-envisioning of the novel and previous adaptations.
I finished watching the second and last season of Arcane: League of Legends (Netflix). The animation was even more striking, the pace just a little less hectic, and the story stronger than in season 1. I think they could have done even better if they squeezed in a tenth episode, but I’m happy with what we got. Everyone’s messed up after season one. A foreign warlord (Embessa) tries to take over Piltover. Victor becomes (or at least awakens) the Arcane. Vander returns in a surprising form. I can’t say much more without spoiling everything. You’ll just have to watch it.
Then, I finished watching the whole run of The Owl House (Disney +). Luz has always been a weirdo, and she’s supposed to go to summer camp but ends up opening a door to another world, which slams shut behind her. In the Burning Lands, she meets Eda, the owl lady, and King, who looks like a puppy wearing a bone mask. She convinces Eda to teach her magic (even though she’s a human) and soon learns the reason Eda is known as the owl lady. When she discovers that there is a magic school, she makes friends of the other students and eventually convinces the principle to allow her to enroll. Ultimately, Luz wants to find a way back home, which is why she wants to learn magic.
From the first, Luz is a chaotic transformation engine. Unfailingly kind, she changes everyone she meets. Eventually she does find a way home but realizes that the Burning Lands—and the people she’s come to love there—is where she belongs. There is so much more to this series—curses, conspiracies, queer love, the collector—and the final season was squished into three 1-hour episodes, which didn’t do it any favours, but I loved it overall.
My first February listen was The Complete Guide to Tarot and Astrology by Louise Edington. An interesting book linking two of my new age-y interests. Most of the book was taken up with descriptions of the major and minor arcana and their astrological associations, but there was a good introduction about how to bring the two practices together, spreads, and application.
Then, I listened to Valor’s Trial, the fourth in Tanya Huff’s Valor’s Confederation series. Gunnery Seargeant Torin Kerr is thought to be killed in a battle against the Others, but her lover Craig refuses to believe it. Torin’s survived . . . a LOT over the past three novels. It can’t end like this. Meanwhile, Torin wakes in a subterranean POW camp where fascist elements have taken over, and everyone else seems to have lost the will to fight back, let alone escape. Loved! Torin’s as kick-ass as ever.
Next, I read I am AI by Ai Jiang. This novelette was shortlisted for the Astounding, BSFA, Hugo, and Nebula Awards. In the city of Emit, Ai is a cyborg content writer competing with actual AI content writers. She supports her community with her upgrades between shifts and barters her organic body parts for upgrades. In an effort to work harder and faster and make even more of the money she needs to keep herself and her small group of friends alive, Ai sells her heart. A fabulous cyber-fable.
I finished my reread of The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe by C.S. Lewis. Amazing how this gentle fantasy story stands up. Modern children might want more action or suspense or whatever, but I still love this childhood favourite.
I’m going to give the reread a bit of a break and dive into research for Alice in Thunderland. I’ll probably alternate between reread and research, just to keep my brain from going too far down the rabbit hole.
Then, I finished reading Lev Grossman’s The Magicians. Very different from the series. And I know Quentin’s journey is all about dealing (or not) with his trauma, but I did not like him as much as a character. A good read with lots of insights about the adaptation from book to series and the possible reasons for the choices made.
Next, I listened to Blackthorn’s Botanical Magic: The Green Witch’s Guide to Essential Oils for Spellcraft, Ritual & Healing by Amy Blackthorn. Again, as per many of the paganish books I listen to (because they’re part of Audible’s free catalogue), most of the book was a listing of the essential oils and their correspondences with select recipes. I’ve recently purchased a bunch of essential and perfume oils and an eager to get at some synergy experimentation, but it will have to wait until I have the time to devote to it.
Then, I read a short story by Premee Mohamed, “At Every Door a Ghost.” In a world where a scientific AI makes a deadly mistake in the name of experimentation, and all science becomes closely monitored and restricted as a result, two scientists try to buck their new big brother and fail. Or maybe it’s a qualified success?
Next, I finished Piers Anthony’s On a Pale Horse, the first of his Incarnations of Immortality series. Yes, this is another series I’ve read out of order, but it really doesn’t matter. The books all stand alone and intertwine in different ways. The unique bit with this unabridged audiobook was the author’s afterword in which Anthony talks about the genesis for the book (and series). He bemoans being typecast in his genre and wants to write literary fiction. Unable to break the mold, he incorporates more serious topics into OaPH, namely his mother’s death and his own brush with mortality.
Zane is a hapless aura photographer, who, out of money, about to be evicted, and desperate, resorts to using the last of his money to buy a magical gem that should guarantee fortune. Unfortunately, the gem can only locate lose change and, after foiling an assault and coming into possession of a gun, he contemplates suicide. Until Death enters his room, and he instinctively shoots the incarnation, thereby becoming the new Death. The story includes some pieces of puzzles from other books in the series, like how Luna, Orb’s sister, came to be Death’s beloved. Again, I found Zane and Luna a bit on the oblivious side, and the blatant sexism (yes, Anthony was a product of his time) irked. But it was a decent book and, if nothing else, shows me what I want to avoid in my own fiction.
I read Starter Villain by John Scalzi. Charlie was a journalist until he was fired and now struggles to make ends meet by substitute teaching. His dream is to buy a local pub, but he barely makes enough to keep himself and his two cats, Hera and Persephone, fed. Add to that the fact that he’s living in the house his father left to him, which his step-siblings are continually pressuring him to move out of so they can sell it and split the proceeds, and Charlie’s pretty desperate. Then the uncle he hasn’t seen since he was a kid dies, and Charlie is propelled into a high-stakes world of secret cabals and enhanced animal operatives (Hera and Persephone are two of those), in which he is nothing more than a start villain. Super fun read.
Then, I read Cats and Dogs in Space, a speculative poetry collection by Lisa Timpf. I loved this collection, but I must confess to having a serious soft spot for furry family members. The collection is divided into four sections: From the Headlines, in which the poems explore real life examples of speculative themes; Legendary, in which the mythological dogs and cats take the stage; The Great Hereafter, a heartbreaking exploration of loss and grief; and Cats and Dogs of the Future, which chronicles the adventures of robot dogs in colonial space and more. “Musings of a Shelter Dog” brought me right back to the thoughts and feelings inspired when I read Andre Alexis’ Fifteen Dogs, and “Laika” and every poem in The Great Hereafter made me weepy, to be honest. Highly recommend to lovers of poetry, cats, dogs, space, or any combination thereof.
And that was the month in this writer’s life.
Until next month, be well and stay safe; be kind and stay strong. The world needs your stories!




























